Sunday, June 23, 2013
In the last few months, I've had so much to write. So much. So many things that have somehow refused to be written. If I had a body-slam for every time I opened this blog and closed it without updating, I'd probably have a permanent space at Igbobi by now.
It's something I can't wrap my head around.
Having something to say yet not having attendant enthusiasm to follow through with actually saying it.
Sometimes I flip open my notepad and write a few words, hoping to come back and break them into tangible paragraphs...I never get around to.
One would think that a new job with better hours and real ass down times spent in a hotel room without distractions would give me time to actually put pen to paper...or fingers to keyboard :(
There was so much to talk about. So much. The tiny snag is collecting these thoughts...Collecting them is a huge chore.
I just don't find the mental strength mostly because half of the time it is morbidity galore. Can't blame me. There aren't a lot of happy stuff going on in the world today. Kids killing themselves like it's going out of fashion. For instance, Cousin C. (30 Yrs old) died birthing her first child almost 12 weeks ago, I had a lot to say...Cousin O. (33 Yrs old) died exactly 2 weeks after Cousin C's funeral...I had oodles to say...most of them expletives...I also had a lot to write about the Italian girl who killed herself because she was being bullied on Facebook by schoolmates. I cried when Jiah killed herself because she couldn't take the rejection from her boyfriend. I had a lot to say...but all I saw was a BLOCKADE.
The same feeling every time.
However, recently, I read something on writers' block: "There's no such thing as writers' block" *huh??* "The cure to to writers block is to keep writing." How??? I asked. Then it occurred to me that the writer was PROBABLY right. If one gives in to writers' block, one may never write another word again because it never goes away. So, one must trudge on.
One must get one's groove back.
One tried again last night.
I turned on the TV to try relax and the first thing I saw was the Alberta, Canada flood report and I just burst into tears. Reason being that my baby brother lives in Calgary and I immediately tried to reach him and got his voicemail. (I've still not been a able to reach him) I was worried for one long moment then It struck me: "Why worry, when you can pray?"
So I prayed. The good Lord takes care of his own.
Anyway, the news went on with more heartbreaking items:
India floods...hunger, refugee camps etc
Apparently, Good news is no news...Sigh. I was glad when open court came on. I watched some of my tennis heroes past and just when I was gearing up to write something cool, the Le Mans - Allan Simonsen tragedy popped on the screen.
I gave up.
The universe isn't done with me just yet.
Madiba is critical.
Nigeria's out of the Confed Cup.
I have a lot to say but It's time for my shift.
Let's do after later.