Of 11 questions and 33 plus answers...

Here I am.

2000-and-late as ever, it's time for my own version of the 11 questions thingy. Seems to be on every blog i've perused recently...And since i'm itching to keep this space glowing, here goes:


Eleven things about me:

1. Read Here. There's more than you need :)

2. That is all :)


So the first set of questions I'm answering are from Toinlicious' via the PETprojects.

Here goes:

1. Last book I read:
"Making Words Of Love For Lovers of Words" by Evan Morris...and I am a lover of love and words...great read. Trust me.

2. If I could listen to any song for the rest of my life..
I'd have issues choosing....however, for the purpoe of this meme, "Smile" by Charlie Chaplin it is.


3. Countries visited asides from my awesome country Nigeria would be...
NONE! Except Republique du Benin and the Cameroons count! To think I love traveling...sigh...things to do before I'm 30 :D (Make more moneyyyyyy is number 1 by the way)


4. If I could have any job in the world with all the resources I need....
I would be a what I am now...Amazing opportunity to impart...


5. Why do I blog?
I started cos I just wanted to spew the stuff going on in my head and in  my life...a getaway...or a sounding board like i named it...then Myne Whitman allowed me write real stuff


6. How old am I?
Read my 28th December Posts :P (Aye, Aye Cap'n)


7. My favourite part of the opposite sex - I'll go with the PETprojects here - that would be the brain....I believe i've said this before...


8. When was the last time I had relations?
I still have relations. All kinds of...The OKAY, The BADASS and the totally "UNCOOLTH"!


9. My least favourite food would be...
SUSHI? Why would anyone wanna eat raw effing fish??


10. Do I have any pets?
Youp Yuop! My doggy. His name's Adre....Adrenaline :)


11. One thing I have been dying to tell you?
Uhmmm....nada.



...And now to questions by DHK -Daughter of Her King ...


1)What hairstyle are you currently rocking?
Kinks...Yah...Nothing's changed.

2)How long did you spend in primary school?
6 years

3)What is your naughtiest moment ?
Hmmmmmm Chai. mba. the time never reach to share that info. Infact, I may never share. sorrryyyyy :p

4)How do you express your anger?
I don't. I take long Walks. Or cry.

5)What would you spend your last penny on?
Books...

6)When was the last time you treated yourself to a niceeeeeee warm food?
4 hours ago...Eba and Bitter Leaf soup garnished with snail and okporoko and...are you h-u-a-ngry yet?

7) Who was the last person you said  "I love you " to?
Wow. I don't remember...Oh! My baby brother. (sheeks...Dude is 19 :|)

8) What is your favourite take away dish?
Does sharwama count as a dish?

9) How do you eat in public?
Anything available...depending on the kinda food though.

10)Do you polish your shoes?
Not myself. I hate polishing...and Ironing...just saying

11)What are your thoughts on after life?
I'm working on spending it in Heaven.


....And finally, SNM's:

1. Who started this thing biko?
Ajuju.


2. What drives/motivates/pushes you in life?
The insurmountable drive to outdo myself.


3. If you could pick one place on earth to be at the moment you answer this question, who/where will it be?
Anywhere i'm loved without judgement.


4. What is your favourite blog, top blog online (Don’t lie, God is watching you)
They (blogs I follow) all represent something for me. so, none in particular.


5. If God were to close his eyes for 10 hours and grant you a hall pass, what would you do with it?
Hmmmmmmmmm...There'll be some blood on the rocks...


6. What makes you happy? (If you tell me God, I will swear for you. I said what, not who)
Calm down biko. *side eye* Making people happy.


7. Do you have a daughter? If yes, how old?
Do my sisters count? I mothered those chicas :|


8. Would you let your daughter marry my son?
Would you let your daughter marry my son?


9. What is the one thing you wish for more than anything else?
To be deliriously happy.


10. At a scale of Hulk to worker ant, what do  you do when you are angry?
Tiger. Nuff said.


11. What is your favourite animal?
Dogs




I'm exhausted.

Phewwwww.



Okay. I'm outta here.



--
XX

The Bitter Truth...or so

Do you notice how we sometimes convince ourselves that that person is interested in us, when in reality they haven't noticed us? You know how there's always the disappointment when it dawns on you that they're completely unaware of your existence..In that way? That you've been ZONED....and not just friend-zoned...I hear people are being Dog-zoned :|

You know what's worse? When they tell you...In words or even deeds.

Just like you, (Yes you) I've been led to believe (by my mind...) that me and this person have a special relationship...and that somehow things mean more between us than they do...Then ((((((BOOOOOOOM!!!!!))))))) As always (maybe not always) He brings me back to earth. I crash land. Then it hits me:

HE'S JUST NOT INTO YOU.

The funny thing is, I know how to move on fast. Doesn't mean I wasn't into the person or anything...it just means that I'm built like that. I'm a natural born racer. For racers, physically moving on is a given. It's something we do instinctively. 


The trigger for this post happened 2 nights ago when I got of the phone with one of my closest friends...Let's call him X (It's just a loan...There's only one X :D) In the beginning, remember how people thought we were an item way back.

I remember how we'd hang out at my house (...and give my uncle's ulcers :D)...or at the cybercafe his family ran a few houses from mine...or just walking almost every evening...sharing feelings and true intentions...for our future.....separately. I knew his girlfriend. I was his shoulder they broke up. I was the go between when he was pining for my friend...

I remember my 18th birthday, X took me to a music store and bought me 18CDs...he said each one was for each year...And the day i told him I thought his denims were a beaty, he took me to where he got em and got me a copy (Yah...Tomboy and shiii. Don't Judge Me.) I was his TOMMY and he was my....well, girlfriend.

We were best friends. We had the same interests.

Music. Computer games. Movies. Books.

He called me his brother....And i called him my sister (loool) It was me he told when he landed a job in one of the multinational food coys. It was him I told when I got my first kiss.

Those were the days...what we shared was profound and life made total sense...until one day.

He'd just redone his apartment (to which I had a key :|) and since I was on holiday, I went a-visiting (If you read this, Chicken, yeah, ah sed it. A-visiting :p) and there he was playing a video game with his cousin. There, also, draped on one the sofas, was a mutual friend (whom we'd yabbed wellllllll) whom he later told me was his girlfriend. I'm like "duuuuuuuuuude! HERRRR????? You can do better nahhh."

I found out later that it wasn't about the girl...I found out that i was actually screaming at the top of my lungs....in my head of course: "duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!!!! I DEY INVISIBLE????"

The thought gnawed at me through out that week and so in one stupid unguarded moment, i sent him an SMS.

It said: "I'm cutting the bullshit and I'm going straight to the point. The way I like you now? There's nothing sisterly about it. I'm not telling you this so that we start a relationship or anything. I just thought you should know."

Shet. Who does that??

I remember that day with a shudder. lol. The moment I pressed send, I called my sister and told her. She said. "Shit." Ya, my thoughts precisely.

He replied my SMS.

Yuop Youp.

"OK."

That's what i got.

Me said: Yah. An 8 year relationship and this is how you botch it.


We didnt speak to each other for 1 Year. One day, out of nowhere, his number appeared on my phone. He was calling. We just talked like nothing happened and the SMS was just a figment of my imagination and that the 1 year hiatus was just me, paranoid.

We resumed our friendship with him introducing me as his female brother and us trading war stories et al...Yeah...War stories....I guess we figured things out within the time frame...I guess all conflicts come together in the end.



4 years after that, I think I did it again.

I met someone last year. I believe i talked about it here at some point. We clicked. We talked about everything. EVERYTHING. For me that's the ultimate turn on. mmmmm hmmmm...we'd be on the phone for eons...our BBM conversations were never ending.
We were friends...and I have few of those.
(My definition: A friend is he with whom you can think aloud.)


One day, I was going on set and there was no telling when i'd be out so i told him to send me something nice...Something i'd see when I got of work. The man sent me the most beautiful note i'd ever recieved (via BBM ofkes) That did me...then I had to relocate to another state to work. Let's just I got friend-zoned.

I guess LDRs aren't everybody's thing. (i really wanted to add "lol" back there...) Leaves me wondering though...did I dream it all up? Maybe I did...Maybe I was the one floating all along in a fantasy land believing that deep down we get each other, need each other...had each other. I saw a connection and meaning in places where they probably didn't exist.

I was probably living out a dream that I probably created in my head...nothing more than an illusion.



LMBBAAO.



What a doofus.


What?

Not me.
The girl who keeps falling for your kind.
Yeah, You.
I know you'll read this.
When you do, I want you yo know that...I wish nothing but the best for you.


--
xx




Damn....I should've known. He thinks Elvis and The Beatles are a pile of crap. Oh well...
I'm done. Twice is enough, don't you think?

Error 502...

"Of the thirty-six ways of avoiding disaster, running away is always best." - Anon

I usually (Okay, I at least try to...) write things that have touched my heart, caught my eye, held my attention, left my mind wandering, my heart longing and my body in spasms...left me gasping for air...sometimes in anger at others and other times in self-chastisement.

There are certain things in life that are better off unknown....things I wish I'd never asked, never saw, never heard or never even felt. These can't labelled "regrets"

Naah...Never in my case.

sigh

The things that lie deepest in our hearts are really the hardest to say....half the time, these are things that need to be said. For clarity...Sanity even.

wistful sigh.

A word that may aptly describe me right about now would be that moody and listless...lethargic (Maybe?) this thing in my mind that won't let go...this feeling of...I can't quite put it together...looks like loneliness...it never quite leaves me....Well, it leaves and then comes back...it just stays inside me.

Trust me I've tried expunging...and don't get it twisted: Isolation doesn't bother me at all...Being alone and feeling lonely are two different things. You can be with people and still be lonely: I've achieved it several times...effortlessly too.

My days..

One moment, I'm quiet and still...Next thing, I'm bubbly. One moment I'm laughing my gonads sore and the next my tear ducts seem to kick into maximum overdrive without consulting me...I'm probably the most cynical and pragmatic yet positive type person I know and When I love, I love without reservation, without question but with both feet on the ground...Pragmatist.

The flip-side is, when I walk, you and everything you represent are dead to me. Too sensitive. I don't know any other way to handle hurt than to walk away. I'm cowardly like that. Besides, tis better to end than to mend.

I have been hurt and I (May) have hurt but I am aware that I have so much still to learn...about life...and love...

sigh

I can decide how I spend my time, with whom I interact, whom I share my time, my body...my life. I can choose what I can read and eat and how I'm going to regard and deal with my life as i know it.

I know I'm responsible for my actions. I know what I want and I do not want to be bound to any ideology. I know that I can determine my own fate and keep myself grounded and focus because I can't let God....or myself down. So I guess I owe it to myself to pull me off Le Depresso Boulevard.  

This has gone on long enough...but I know I will be fine.




--
XX


P.S.
I seem to have forgotten the direction I wanted this post to go....Hence the title...This is to hoping that you'll make some sense out of this....ramble...

Forgive me. Service is temporarily overloaded. 



Cheers



xx

....iary

Ok so i've been toying with the idea of doing a post.

seriously....I have witnesses.

Started an audioblog. No show.
Planned a vlog sef. No dice.
I get home every evening and power my laptop and will my self to write something. Anything.

Nothing.

I just don't understand this love-hate relationship between  my brain and my body. They can't seem to reach an agreement on working terms....You know? Terms of working together...Shyt.

I just wanted to write something. Is that too much to ask?

sigh

Living has been bitter-sweet. Work's been alright. A few changes in my usually relaxed schedule. I used to resume at about 3pm and knock off at midnight. Now I have extra On-Air hours. Annoying shyt but manageable.

Another curious thing: The feet are already itching to...conquer new frontiers.
I'm still praying for direction.
I hope I find one soon.

There's so much to write about...I just need my processors (read: Brain) working properly. They're not working optimally.

Someone thinks I need a vacation.
You know, I haven't had a vacation in 4 years. I left a job and walked right into another. No time in between. Whacky shyt huh? And now, my day off is no longer sufficient. Serious third world issue.

Don't get it twixxtid: I'm having a whale of a time at work but I fear I might breakdown if i don't get 2 weeks soon. Sad part is I'm not due for a vacation....Shyt. 


Now this post is very incoherent. Even I am having some trouble understanding the shyt i'm writing
:(

I should just stop...


I'll still work on that audioblog...God help :s



--
xx