Monday, July 30, 2012
The Bitter Truth...or so
Do you notice how we sometimes convince ourselves that that person is interested in us, when in reality they haven't noticed us? You know how there's always the disappointment when it dawns on you that they're completely unaware of your existence..In that way? That you've been ZONED....and not just friend-zoned...I hear people are being Dog-zoned :|
You know what's worse? When they tell you...In words or even deeds.
Just like you, (Yes you) I've been led to believe (by my mind...) that me and this person have a special relationship...and that somehow things mean more between us than they do...Then ((((((BOOOOOOOM!!!!!))))))) As always (maybe not always) He brings me back to earth. I crash land. Then it hits me:
HE'S JUST NOT INTO YOU.
The funny thing is, I know how to move on fast. Doesn't mean I wasn't into the person or anything...it just means that I'm built like that. I'm a natural born racer. For racers, physically moving on is a given. It's something we do instinctively.
The trigger for this post happened 2 nights ago when I got of the phone with one of my closest friends...Let's call him X (It's just a loan...There's only one X :D) In the beginning, remember how people thought we were an item way back.
I remember how we'd hang out at my house (...and give my uncle's ulcers :D)...or at the cybercafe his family ran a few houses from mine...or just walking almost every evening...sharing feelings and true intentions...for our future.....separately. I knew his girlfriend. I was his shoulder they broke up. I was the go between when he was pining for my friend...
I remember my 18th birthday, X took me to a music store and bought me 18CDs...he said each one was for each year...And the day i told him I thought his denims were a beaty, he took me to where he got em and got me a copy (Yah...Tomboy and shiii. Don't Judge Me.) I was his TOMMY and he was my....well, girlfriend.
We were best friends. We had the same interests.
Music. Computer games. Movies. Books.
He called me his brother....And i called him my sister (loool) It was me he told when he landed a job in one of the multinational food coys. It was him I told when I got my first kiss.
Those were the days...what we shared was profound and life made total sense...until one day.
He'd just redone his apartment (to which I had a key :|) and since I was on holiday, I went a-visiting (If you read this, Chicken, yeah, ah sed it. A-visiting :p) and there he was playing a video game with his cousin. There, also, draped on one the sofas, was a mutual friend (whom we'd yabbed wellllllll) whom he later told me was his girlfriend. I'm like "duuuuuuuuuude! HERRRR????? You can do better nahhh."
I found out later that it wasn't about the girl...I found out that i was actually screaming at the top of my lungs....in my head of course: "duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!!!! I DEY INVISIBLE????"
The thought gnawed at me through out that week and so in one stupid unguarded moment, i sent him an SMS.
It said: "I'm cutting the bullshit and I'm going straight to the point. The way I like you now? There's nothing sisterly about it. I'm not telling you this so that we start a relationship or anything. I just thought you should know."
Shet. Who does that??
I remember that day with a shudder. lol. The moment I pressed send, I called my sister and told her. She said. "Shit." Ya, my thoughts precisely.
He replied my SMS.
That's what i got.
Me said: Yah. An 8 year relationship and this is how you botch it.
We didnt speak to each other for 1 Year. One day, out of nowhere, his number appeared on my phone. He was calling. We just talked like nothing happened and the SMS was just a figment of my imagination and that the 1 year hiatus was just me, paranoid.
We resumed our friendship with him introducing me as his female brother and us trading war stories et al...Yeah...War stories....I guess we figured things out within the time frame...I guess all conflicts come together in the end.
4 years after that, I think I did it again.
I met someone last year. I believe i talked about it here at some point. We clicked. We talked about everything. EVERYTHING. For me that's the ultimate turn on. mmmmm hmmmm...we'd be on the phone for eons...our BBM conversations were never ending.
We were friends...and I have few of those.
(My definition: A friend is he with whom you can think aloud.)
One day, I was going on set and there was no telling when i'd be out so i told him to send me something nice...Something i'd see when I got of work. The man sent me the most beautiful note i'd ever recieved (via BBM ofkes) That did me...then I had to relocate to another state to work. Let's just I got friend-zoned.
I guess LDRs aren't everybody's thing. (i really wanted to add "lol" back there...) Leaves me wondering though...did I dream it all up? Maybe I did...Maybe I was the one floating all along in a fantasy land believing that deep down we get each other, need each other...had each other. I saw a connection and meaning in places where they probably didn't exist.
I was probably living out a dream that I probably created in my head...nothing more than an illusion.
What a doofus.
The girl who keeps falling for your kind.
I know you'll read this.
When you do, I want you yo know that...I wish nothing but the best for you.
Damn....I should've known. He thinks Elvis and The Beatles are a pile of crap. Oh well...
I'm done. Twice is enough, don't you think?