This is not a real post...the marra is just paining me in my chest...this is why i've written. **********************************************************************************
I don't know if it's just me, or if other people think this too...What is it about these men and thier crotches? JT's? Crown Jewels? Dicks? Or like someone I know likes to call it, whachuliketacallit? Or generally speaking, Penises? Why do them guys always reach for thier penises...nay...grab their penises given the slightest window (Read: When they think no one's watching.) You know, they just grab the thing like "Hey dude! You still there?"
Gogo, a pal of mine, on our way back from a gig recently, got me seriously worried when he had to scream"Leave the damn DICK alone!" at some guy...the guy scurried accros the street, Penis in hand! He didn't care about the damn message! Please don't even say Penis Envy, cos that was a guy and he posseses a Damn Penis! Imagine shooting a live show and having to lose all the long shots cos the idiot in the spot light couldn't leave his Damn Dick be!
I find myself asking: Do they have to confirm everytime that the thingie's still hanging? Or does the shit get heavy after a while? Or as my Shrink sister said last night when the convo came up, do most guys have Penile Fixation?
My take: I think it's outright harrassment, guys! Ahn ahn! How would you feel if women grabbed their boobs at the slightest provocation, eh? If it helps, get some good ol' drawers...it's obvious boxers don't work anymore...abi?
Ok. this is about a Nigerian pastor who tried to scam a church in the US and they made a complete idiot out of him.
The story below (as told by) Ifeanyi N.aka 419eater, is an anti-scam person who specializes in helping people being scammed by Nigerian Pastors by simply pretending and assuming the person being scammed, takes over the entire negotiations/ discussions with the scammer with the sole aim of exposing him to the world on the Internet.
Pastor Samuel Eze of God Love Bible Ministry in Apapa,approaches the Church of Bread and Wine abroad with the aim of helping them spread the work here in Nigeria , however he has ashortcoming: He needs funds. Thus he asked the Church to provide him with $74,000 to foster a joint venture between the two churches...
419eater is contacted and takes over and poses as Father Ted Chilly of the Bread and Wine Church. He immediately responds to Samuel Eze's email requesting the funds ($74,000)
This is a picture of the “Church of Bread and Wine"
...and it’s Photoshop!! To fool Pastor Samuel!!
Says "Father Ted" (419eater) to Pastor Samuel in his email reply to him: "You have come to the right place. We have over 300 churches world-wide and love to help upcoming churches like yours. We don't, however send funds without recourse to our due procedures, in order to be sure of where our funds are being sent. You must follow the formal steps to identify yourself with our Church before u can claim the money. They are as follows: You must identify with the symbols of our Church, which are BREAD and WINE."
1. You must send us a picture of yourself holding our Church name printed on a banner. You must be seated.
2. You must send a picture of yourself holding a bottle of WINE to your ear. 3. You must send a picture of yourself carrying a loaf of BREAD on your head.
Here is Pastor Samuel doing as he was asked: Holding the banner of the Church!
Next, he has to hold a bottle of wine to his ear...
Just look at this mugu of a Pastor! Actually held a bottle of wine to his ear! Msscheeeeewwww!!
Oya, Next, carry a loaf of bread on your head!
CAN U BEAT THIS??? ABSOLUTELY BLINDED BY GREED!!! Lord help us!!! LSWKMD!!! Check: The picture Pastor Samuel sent to Father Ted claiming it is his Church...
...looks dangerously like the Vatican to me! Chei! Wetin greed go do this world eh...
...Now this cat claims the biscuits: His Nigerian passport...
FRIGGING A4 PAPER! Wetin person no go see finish for this world. God help us!!!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
This is baaaaad Mehn! I just had to post this marra mehn! THIS happens if you work fe toooooo long in one Flace...
Chei! I don suffer! Notin wen Aee no go see o for this my small life wen I neva even begin!
Imagine, after a hard day's job, crisis management and all, after standing at d bus stop for
almost half an hour waiting 4 a bike, after being stopped about thrice by d goddam police for you-know-what, after all that crap plus the most obnoxious bike man ever, i dey try cross road o to get a bike to
finally take me to my abode, na im person just grab my hand! I turned around to give the kain somborri a duurty slap, eh! The guy said to me "you want to kill urself?" He said it at the nick of time as my fine black ass would've been dog food today! Ok. So i forgave the blighter his transgresssion only for him to cross the Ona with me and proceed to ask me the most pertinent question In his truncated left mind ofcourse!
Which way arre you headed?
I'm staring at my knight in shining armour, aghast, like waddafuggs! Am i supposed to give you my itinery just cos you saved my ass from being scraped off an Eko road?
It's not important. I answered.
Why i'm still having this convo, i have absolutely no inkling. I'm bizzy minding my goddam bizness, the blighter who either is seriously visually impaired that he couldn't see my body lingo or he was just a dim-wit because he went on to say to me
"I want to know you more better."
Chei! A ta m otu agwo! (You really want the translo to that??)
In short, Kin se ejo e, ejo Daddy mi ni! (it's not your fault, it's my daddy's!)
If he had not vehemently refused that i put an "L" sign on his car, i wouldn't be here listening to this bondubo... i was so peeved that i burst into laughter. Racking laughter.
A mixture of hunger cos of my new weight loss regime, Angst for lagos and the oh-so-mad living, Ire at my Daddy for promising to teach me how to frigging drive then leave me at the mercy of a driving school that i have now no time for considering my Crazy-Ass hours at work, and then more!
I just laughed. You should try it. Fecking therapeutic.
Well, the maga just standa for there asking me stupid ass questions. Saying stupidER-ass things like:
"What did i do that you don't like me?"
Silence.
"I can be your best friend tomorrow o!"
Dagger-ass stare-down.
"Efen if we don't marry oursef, we can still be friend."
WHAT!!!
E be like say madness dey dis man family o! Wetin consain agbero with Overload?? So in my typical don't-waste-time fashion, i say to the...i don run out of adjectives. Anyhoos, i say to the man (Note: Man)
"I don't want to be friends with you."
Why am i still having this convo? I wonderment my sef.
Why???
(Really worried look on the puppy's face)
"What did i do? "
"Please, i want to be your friend!"
"i respect you more than what you respect yourself."
Eh?
"ok. where are you going? I can drop you."
Like a big wrecking ball, eh?
Silence.
He proceeds to touch me...
the look i give him says I have the propensity and proclivity to commit YOUcide right now!!
"Ok. What is the time?"
"huh?"
This dude has got this big ass time piece, i can see it!
Silence.
"Baby, what did i do? What should i do to make you like me?"
I don't smell alchy.
Deduction: This nigguh crazy! Help!
"eh, baby? What should i do?"
I wanted to say Die! Die! Die! Die! But it's against my religion so i said instead
LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!
The guy practically ran to his Mutor, kia kia! Not even a backward glance! I finally got me a bike to take me home only for me to get to a "porice shekpoint" and get detained for travelling at a "late hour". The late hour being 10:10p.m. Na im i burst laff, the idiot had the temerity to ask what i was "laving" at!
Oburo okwu gi, o wu okwu daddy m! (it's not your fault, it's my daddy's)
They "collected" from the Okada rider sha! After all that drama, i get home and darkness...ok...rechargable lamps greet me.
Me: What happened to the Genny?
Brov: It's not starting, i dunno...I tried...
After everything????
When will these dim-witted nit wits fecking lightupnigeria????
Btweenie
Did i mention that Miz T.'s Preggers? If i catch that wretched Mutt that put my lovely mutt in the family way, hmmmm...
I got this in my mail a coupla years ago. i've embellished a bitty, but i assure you it's almost original! I hope y'all get a kick outta this joint! It's...Jes' enjoy!
You gatta give the Church Credit as it tries to get its message across as best it can, afterall the end justifies the means! To you all American wanna-bes who've had trouble understanding the King James Version, try this for size:
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS:
1. I'm God. You'd best not be thinking of playing me!
(I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt not have any other gods before me.)
2. Don't be makin no hood, ornaments or charms, saying they look like me!
(Thou shalt not have any graven images)
3. Don't be callin' me up for no reason when y'all don't have nuffin to say!
(Thou shalt not use the name of the Lord thy God in vain)
4. Y'all betta be in church every Sunday, and I don't just mean when it's Mother's day, Easter and Christmas day!
(Remember to keep the Sabbath day holy)
5. Don't dis or cuss out yo' momma... and for those of y'all who know who ur daddy is, don't dis or cuss him out neither!
(Honor thy father and thy mother)
6. Don't be goin' on none of dem neighborhood drive-bys and shoot-outs!
(Thou shalt not kill)
7. Stick to ya own Beau y'all!!
(Thou shalt not commit adultery)
8. Don't be 'borrow'n' stuff and forgettin’ to give 'em back!!
(Thou shalt not steal)
9. Don't be snitchin' on your brotha'man to save your own back side!
(Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy brother)
10. Don't be eyein' (skeeming) your homie's crib, his ride, his woman, or nuffin.
(Thou shalt not covet anything that belongs to thy brother).
Peace, OUT!!! Hit me back on what y'all be thinkin'
( If y'all need more translations, y'all should hit on www.urbandictionary.com)
*Tweenie*
Ok. Fashi the shwin shwin...I'm jes' tryna "get into character" is all...!?Area?! Don't y'all think i done gone mad, cos i ain't...jes' a temporary...well...madness...For shizzle, e neva bizzle for me o, i still kinda dey kampe!lol
This writers block thingy has gone on for darn long! An Induced writers block caused by the fact that my laptop...and my Desktop at work both crapped out on me at about the same time. All my files...scripts...stories...it ain't funny...
I'm pals with my bosslady...She's tryna wean me of blogger...chukwu a gaghi e kwe! (God no go gree!) In fact we's friends. Yeah, i know...Word around here's: Never be friends with the Boss. I say fiddlesticks, Period.
So what, i'm the new kid on the block, don't make you an Oscar Wilde! Why do people who've managed to become redundant at their jobs think they can lord it over newbies? Abi na you go school for me? Can't they overstand that " i don't want your fecking Job!" Damn, these dim wits just make me wanna roll over and cry.
I'm cranky alright. Cranky as hell. And i think Miz T.(My Doggy) is preggers. How? Where? When? I dunno. I don't know. She awfully lazy and her mammaries are kinda bigger. Maybe i'm seeing things. Considering i get home so late and i'm half asleep and Miz T. tired from the day's activities and...and...
Plus some woman who by the way sounds like a banshee (as described) has been calling my phone talking to someone who ain't me.
PHCN's really Crappy stuff. Real crappy. I'm not even wasting valuable space saying it.
Niether am i gonna waste more valuable space talking of
THE FRYING EANGLES!
Ok. Haven't been on FB in about two weeks. I'm cured. That shit was madness. Sheer madness.
Still haven't seen a movie since my last random obiligbo. When did i get this bizzy? Boooooooooooooring? Unexciting??? Me?????
Even I am worried...
Right. I think i'll go back to work. Praying for Uhuru...
