Saturday, February 6, 2016

Dear Muse...


You see, we thought we knew the answer to this question (I know "Assumption is the mother of all f&%kups." and shit like that.) and we've mulled over those 2 days...Perhaps, I was overly excited to have you around and I let some things slide by me? (Perhaps? Perhaps? Perhaps??)

You see, darling muse, from a niggle of doubt we've reached full paranoia. We've debated with better judgement for the better part of 4 hours. All possibilities imaginable. Name it. We went through it.

We won. 
(Because "Only the paranoid survive." according to a former friend.) 

Now I have a few questions but the main one (...one that I should've asked eons ago but decided not to because well, I didn't want to sound desperate...) is: Why did you come to see after such a long time? Why tease me like that? 

I'm confused.

Tuesday. 
Was great. 
After all, you were here. 
I thought we finally crossed a major hurdle in our "situationship".

Then Wednesday came. 
And you went cold.
Gave me a perfunctory forehead kiss and ran off in the opposite direction of our plans. 
 
What happened? 

Did I say something/Do something/Not do something that had you clamming up and running off like you had 12 Devils on your heels? 

I know I'm a dick sometimes but it's usually calculated. To be a dick unknowingly...new frontiers I'm not in a hurry to conquer.

You see, I like you. 
I really like you. 
I like the things you make me do...that's why it was really easy to invite you into my head. So, if the experience was that unbearable, so much so that I can barely get more than a few words from you these days, then i'd love to know and I'd love a chance to apologize. (Seriously, less than a thousand words the last time. Jerk...Sorry I didn't mean that. Really.)

I'd hate to live with the knowledge that I made you uncomfortable in any way.

If I'm being paranoid, just pretend this epistle never happened. We'll blame it on my over-active imagination and my extremely sensitive side. Then I'll just go right ahead and mind my business...I'm just sick of you teasing me and I really have to ask:

Are we? 
Or are we not?
What the hell are you doing to me???


Sincerely, 
X.

2 comments:

'Lara A said...

Interesting post.

Aee Bonrue said...

Thanks for reading, Lara A.
😊😊