A Super Eagles Induced Rant :|

Watching Spain wallop Tahiti wasn't exactly the way I planned to spend my evening so I decided to get my beauty sleep. I set my alarm for 11pm. There was no way I was gonna miss Nigeria's match.

I should have just slept jejely and watched the re-run today.

Did you see that game???

WHERE THE HELL WHERE OUR FORWARDS????

Honestly, Brown Ideye should just make sure I don't catch him in a dark corner. The things I will do to him ehn, he won't believe it.

There were so many errors...Like they would say in tennis, "Unforced Errors". Lugano's goal for example, had no business being a goal had Efe Ambrose not stood right there like an effing figurine. We would've at least come off that encounter with a draw.

Echiejile and Musa and Ideye's misses....legendary! I will  tell my grandbabies all about them! What????

Musa is definitely not the Musa that I fell in love with. He's started eating money abi? Let me catch him. This is the point where I say I missed Victor Moses and Emmanuel Emenike...and even Osaze Blabbermouth Odemwingie sef. Sigh.

18 matches unbeaten and we gave it away to Uruguay in one moment of madness! To think these *insert expletive here* were planing on having a party coz we beat Tahiti. TAHITI!!! Hand falling on a kentro level y'all! Na una mates sama dem 10 - 0 o!

I dey vex joo

Look, I'm not saying they didn't "try" considering their complaints of jet-lag and a tight schedule of friendlies/qualifiers/training etc, but come on! They didn't exactly play like champions all the way. They were sleepy at some point and that cost us the match.

My major grouse is that I lost sleep and we lost the match :|
Now I'm at work, feeling like crap, hoping that I somehow get through the next 6 hours (my eyes be like flashlight wey im battery don dey die)

Mscheeeewwwwwww

Dia ...Monologue V

Club X...12.45A.M, WEDNESDAY, 26TH August, 2009

...did you hear me? 

(beat) 

I said i'm 'daeze...Just got back from the states...

(beat) 

Yeah...I haven't been home in a while...and you're...? Ricky...Hi Ricky...forgive me but I've been watching  you since you walked in with your pals...wondering what your voice may sound like...

(beat) 

Uhm...I'm sorry...I'm just so used to...uhm...I plum forgot how rude it seems sometimes when you say everything you're thinking. Please, pretend it didn't happen. Enjoy your...

(beat) 

What? 

(Beat)

Really? You don't mind? Wow! Gee! Thanks! Well, like i said, I just got back into the country...tryna fit back in.

(chuckles) 

Kinda hard ya know...uhm...we're screaming and we can barely hear each other...uhm...can we go outside...to the bar, perhaps...Or to my hotel . It's just across from this place...awww jeez! Please ignore me! 

(beat) 

Huh?...(Beat)You don't mind coming with me...(beat) Swell! C'mon then!

(Flip, flop)

(Unlock)

(Plunk)

(Bump, grind)


2 hours later...

Wow!! Dude...you are one helluva guy...Shit! I can't wait to do this again! I need to call Phil! He'll be so excited...You see, Phil likes to watch! 

(beat) 

Phil's my Husband...I must have mentioned him at some...Wassup? Where're you goin'? 

Wait!

(Slam!)

Waggwaannnn!!!

It's a beautiful Thursday afternoon and I've missed this place.

BIG TIME.

I'm on break at work. My Skype date is forming busy and I'm trying to get my mom on the phone. Somehow in the middle of all that, I finally mustered a stream of coherent thoughts to put on here.

I haven't had a lot of those in the last 5 weeks...coherent thoughts, that is...at least when I'm not working. The last 5 weeks have been trying. However,

Between swapping jobs and pay-cheques :D (Again)
Between swapping sweet smelling nature for city smoke and dirt (Again)
Between swapping my homey flat for a limited hotel room :(
Between swapping my kitchen and its inviting smells for hotel food, dodgy restaurants and one too many mince pies & cup cakes :'(
Between swapping 100% health for Typhoid and Malaria ++ and Hives (sigh)

I'm actually a very happy woman :)

New job!
*attempts azeunteu...erhmm...not a great idea*

My hours are awesome! My job is awesome! My colleagues...err....some of them are awesome...others....well, I just want to smack 'em. Yep. The ones that think being a presenter means you should speak with a flipping contrived accent...I just want to smack 'em  upside the head...with a book.

Haba.
What did you think? A hatchet?
You sef.

Okay, the thought did cross my mind but then I thought "to early. a few more days..."

Jes' Kidding records dot com

lol

I'm just glad to be here after such a long time.

*In James Brown's Cackle* I feeeeeel Gooood!
Ehen, before I commence a-babbling, lemme get beck ta werk...Mama gats wait till after my shift mehn...


I will be back!


-
XX

Music Monday...Sorta :s

You see, this is one of those Mondays and I was determined to make it work so I place my big ol' headphones on my head and decided to roll with Jazz, thanks to T.Notes' post. Anita O'Day, Michael Franks, Dave Koz, Norah Jones, Al Jarreau....the whole nine yards. Anyways, somehow I progressed to soft rock....now I find myself hanging with the Platters and The Chi-lites and Harold Melvin & The Bluenotes and their brethren and somehow I kept coming back to "The Great Pretender" sigh...so, like the smarty pants I pretend I am, I decided to spill it here....thinking it would get out of my head...

Yap. So there's I was scouting for a video to put up....just when I thought I was done, I found Freddy Mecury's cover....sigh....

Let's just say, I traded one cognitive itch for another. Issorai.


Y'all enjoy the rest of the day!



XX


p.s
Yap. I changed my display name. Peer pressure is real.

Paix...

The "One Percent Project"

Hi people! 

Happy new year!  

Oh I said that already. Drat. It's been ages. Bizzy bee things. Forgive me. As it is, I'm not even really blogging. I just have some information to share and I hope you share after reading. I pray you share after reading ;)

 So, my sister from another mother, Temite, has this laudable initiative she's been working on and I thought I'd share it on here for those of y'all whose email addresses I don't have :D 

Here's the story as told by the beautiful people at One Percent Project:

On February 14, 2013, the One Percent Project launched an initiative to get 10,000 Nigerians to commit to blood donation to save lives.

Blood saves lives and we believe that the shortage of blood in many hospitals in Nigeria is absolutely unacceptable. In Nigeria, making blood available for each individual in an emergency can save 13,500 women every year and even more children under-5. There is no synthetic substitute for blood and blood from 100% non-remunerated volunteer donors is the only replacement. Thus,the goal of the One Percent Project Initiative is to work on making blood available for those who need it.

Why Should You Donate Your Blood?
Choosing to give a unit of this “precious gift of life” saves lives of those in dire need of blood. Nigeria needs just 1% to give blood regularly to ensure that in cases of emergency quality blood is always available for patients who need it.

Who Needs Blood?

Thousands of people would die daily if there is no sufficient blood in blood banks around the country. If one donates blood, the donor gives the patient the gift money cannot buy and science cannot create. A pint of blood can equal three gifts of life.

Below are categories of people who need blood transfusion:

• Women hemorrhaging due to pregnancy complication;
• Children with severe anemia;
• Accident victims; 
• Surgical patients;
• Cancer patients. 

To help reach the goal of 10,000 people committed to blood donation, SPREAD THE WORD. Visit the website - http://www.tenthousanddonors.org to learn more about this initiative. Tweet about it. Talk about it on Facebook and LinkedIn. Blog about it. Yes! 

By all means, copy this information and send to all your email contacts! More people = More Blood = More Lives Saved!

Sample Tweets/Facebook Updates:

Did you know giving blood regularly makes you a hero? Sign up to become a blood donor today. It takes 2 minutes. 

Blood saves pregnant women, children with severe anemia, accident victims, victims of terrorism, surgical and cancer patients. It takes 2 minutes to sign up and become a hero.

Only one pint of your blood can save three lives. Sign up today and commit to blood donation. #2minutes. 

These are just sample messages; please feel free to edit it to suit your audience. 

Please request images of blood donors or find some on the donor site @ www.tenthousanddonors.org if that helps to pass the message better.

Thank you!

*********

This is it folks. It is ongoing and I hope I have your support...On Temite's behalf. Now go forth and spread the word. Ngwa, I'm begging you to share this. Everywhere imaginable. Just copy and paste. Shikena! Thank you, o! Ezigbo mmadu :) 

Let's do this!

PS.

You know I love y'all right. I'm tryna clear the cobwebs clogging up the top of my creative juice mug. They seem to have been spun by spiderman on steroids. Once I get that done...

--

xx

Bobby Bushay - All or Nothing

Happy New year Luvvies :)

2013 never start e don dey fleece me! lol
This here year has been quite eventful so far but this isn't that post. This is a "Hey wassapppp! I've missed you!" Post.
I'll do a real post soon...

Meanwhile, this right here...
















...is my baby bros music.

Thought I'd share.

Show the youngin some love :)

Peace!


xx

Goodnight 28...Good morning 29 :)

So it’s about 2 hours before my 29^th year on mother earth begins.

Do I feel older?

Uhmm

Neeeh.

Wiser?

I feel like Methuselah yo. I learnt things I didn't think were possible. I soared heights I didn't know existed. I hit depths I didn't think possible and I’m really thankful to God for it was a good year…On a scale of 1-10, "WE" ROCKED A 7!

A lot happened with me this year…This year, I had an “spiritual awakening”. Some kinda mini break :D down. No I never felt like committing me-cide. I came quite close to wringing some necks…none mine.

For those who saw it and were there for me (…some of which don’t know this here joint exists though lol), I want to say thank you.

For those who didn’t understand and thought I was just being an asshole, I wanna say, I understand. We’re still family :)

 

In the last few weeks, I’ve had all kinds of emotions coursing through my body.

High. Low. Low. High again and posting countdowns on twitter lol

Pre-Birthday jitters. lol

I feel great! Happy. Proud. Thankful :) 

I’m ready to walk through that door and actually “Live” my life for once. I’m willing to shed my “workaholic” badge and see what life could be like outside of work.

I’ve realized, albeit in my old age (lol) that… I don’t remember what I realized. sigh. Dem plenty.

Lol

Okay I remember: I've finally accepted the fact that I can not help everyone and that I need to start helping meself. I need to start thinking of me. I’m going to be less stressed this year. I fully intend to relax more. 

Swim

Play Tennis

Write

Sew

Whatever makes me gay…Imma do it with reckless abandon and I mean it this time. I really do.

I wanna say thank you to those who still read this blog, despite all. It surprises me to comments still.

I have no excuse. Things should get better. Promise.

Right.

I’m off to my pre-birthday parteyyyyy *WOOP WOOP* 

Lemme just say this before I go:

 

Dear 28,

You were a sport and *In Sarah McLachlan’s voice*  “I will remember you….” but it’s unto the next.

Love,

Me.

This is to my last year as a twenty-something-year-old :D 

**Clink**

**winks**

Off to boogey down!

Peace!


--
xx


Please blame GEJ for any errors. It's almost my birthday joo. Cut a girl some slack :p

To Mom and Dad!

 Music: Semi Colon - Slim fit Maggie

   On this day 30 years ago, a certain Gem said "I do!" to a certain E.E.

On this day in history, they had a big wedding.

The dress still hangs in Gem's closet...Tulle and Satin mix yellowed with age...Sterling silver tiara's still good as new...

The marriage...The marriage has received it's own fair share of blows...It has hit a few air-pockets and has come into it's own.

Gem and E.E.? Still crazy about each other...

Today it's their 30th Wedding Anniversary.

30!!



I'd have loved to send them to somewhere exotic...somewhere they could just RELAX and forget their 5 chilluns who can actually take care of themselves (We never grow up with our parents....sigh)

In time...In time...



Anyways, for now, I'm raising my glass...

  

...to the bestest parents EVER...Mazeltov!!

--

XX

P.S.

Yeah they had me exactly 10 days short of a year later :D 

P.P.S.

....and yeah...I'm sipping wine at work. Bite...and apple :D 

Post-Post-Post Note: 

This post was written yesterday...for some strange and sadly, incomprehensible reason, I didn't post it. Thanks for reading :) 

Touching base...

Eyes smarting.
Bones tired.
Spirit vexed by a certain obnoxious humanoid.
Feeling the beginnings of what might be a fever :(
Trying hard to keep my eyes open long enough to say for this moan-fest...a quick hello...

...and a goodbye.


Warm regards,



---
XX



Let's "talk" soon :)

Randomery...I think :|

Darling Ladies and Gentlemen who still come this way and actually read my...stuff...sigh, how are y'all this lovely December morn?

I present to y'all my lame attempt at writing something here...I ask your forgiveness in advance if it isn't worth your 2 minutes. I must warn however: There's more where this is coming from :|


So here:

No Title (Forgiveness)

How can I be
when all you are is what you are?
Inert.

How can I exist
when all that I am is all that was slayed?
Dead.

How can I feel
when all that I am is all that was purged?
Numb.

How can I muse
when all that I am is all that is isolated?
Alone.

How can I forsee
When all that I am is all that was screened?
Jaded.

How can I heed
When all that I am is all that was misread?
Muddled.

How can I breed
When all that I am is all that was flawed?
Twisted.

How can I be hallowed
when all I am is less than I should be and all
that I should be may have been lost

to time and space and impulse.
Done with.

-
Herself



Y'all have an awesome week!
--
XX


In other news, it's my birthday in 25 days :D :D

"I have Issues." - Tin Lizzie

On a call I received a while ago...and other related akuko:


I don't think I've met anyone who hasn't one had a period in their life when everything was stormy and tumultuous... when it seemed that the devil came out to play... with all his demons and their relatives...whereby you felt like you were smack in the middle of a major hurricane and whereby the said hurricane left you in a state that can only be likened to a shipwreck without dry land or even an empty lighthouse in sight....whereby you were at the point where you just wanted to tear something down while screaming banshee-like "Are we there yet?"

**Thinking**

No. I haven't.

Okay maybe not. Maybe not everyone has had it that bad. However, surely most people have been at that low point in their lives where they thought they couldn't possibly go any lower? Therefore, tumults and storms are part of the package  called "Vie", oui?

Tau.

That's settled then.

So! That brings me to a certain micro-analysis on dealing with "issues":

1. Some people actually take this period "well". Wear a mask and pretend "all is well". They even say it to themselves several times a day just to keep the smile in place...then they go back to their beds at night and actually witness the sun's majestic migration to the east.

2. There's a certain group of humanoids who deal with their own storms by attempting to drown them in all kinds of substances...or activities, either to  temporarily and dull their senses to suffering and pain...or to murk up their minds so that they have that (albeit fleeting) luxury of not being "present" enough to dwell on their "woes". I know. I belonged to this group for a wee while.

3. Others just take a running job. These are professional racers. Some were born, others made...by circumstances. Unfortunately, I was born this, i'd rather run to the land of far far away than look a storm in the face. There's a part of me that still wants to be this...Its far easier. No baggage. No attachments. No worries.

BULL CRAP.

Yeah, I know. I was born this, remember? It's a survival technique that does f&@kall for your relationship with the human race.

~See with these three kinds of sufferers, they're still steeped crown-deep in their worries. Their techniques haven't nicked their wahala 'coz whatever it is, still resides in their minds full time.~

4. Now, there's a curious group of sufferers who just take these occurrences in their lives as a fate which they cannot avoid and bestride their super-storm like a colossus and actually live happily...genuinely. >>FAITH<< Fighting through 'em hail of stones and falling trees to save them.

See, I moved house. I think imma be here permanently. The rent is good. My days of yo-yoing maybe are over.

Yup.

I've also learnt to travel in a barouche with my storm. That way, he's right in front of me and I know what he's up to at every point. When we eventually get to his stop, he'll get off. It's not easy,b but it's usually worth it. This is what the Bible calls the "anchorage of the soul" and "...however severe the storm that sweeps over the earth, the soul that shelters there is safe." (I read this somewhere..)

I'm currently honing the art of concerning myself with finding out why Mr Storm E. Weather showed up in my life in the first place...There's usually a good reason. A lesson to be learnt.

Sometimes I write about it, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I even write about it in my thoughts. lol. I have whole posts in my head. They just never make it here. Or there. This is how I know to deal with the "its". Luckily, I have the gumption to speak...write about my worries and fears even if it's to a sounding board that'll never talk back. lol


So, Dear XA, No I'm not having a breakdown. That ship sailed already. Thanks for asking though :) As long as I'm on this path, I'll be A-okay :D


Okay. I know I'll still race from a few more things before Armageddon. It's in my nature. First instinct and shiiii...However, the rules have changed somewhat. I won't just balk and run. It has to be the last item on the list of "Ways to go".






Right.

Now that we've got that off the cranium, we'll just get back to a certain quasi-dissertation.


--
xx


One more thang:

Vulnerability isn't weakness.

Selah.

Random Sunday: Of Grammar and Resignations.

Hehehehe

Hallos y'all :)
How's it going this sunday?

I'm at the point were my sides are aching from laughter and I just thought I'd share lol
See, I was going through my old mails...i'm talking 12-13 years ago.

Some nostalgic stuff. Pen Pals...Boyfriend...Toasters...sigh...The jokes. lol. One of the jokes is responsible for this post.A friend of mine sent it to me in 'O5 and lawdy...

Just read:

Hello guys, 

Below is a resignation letter I stumbled across. There would have been nothing to it but this letter was actually bearing a signature of approval.

Here it goes:

Dear Sir,

RESIGNATION LETTER

Tribute, gratitude and steadfast to uplift the company edge, waxing stronger and reference to development in education and knowledge; and for the completion of the course of study period 2003 to 2005 as a marketing student under the department of business and communication at the polytechnic Ibadan HND.

And in order not to vituperate the ethnic, absentism and maverick to the duty, I hereby disburse my thwart.

Thanks

Source undisclosed for obvious reasons.

Sigh

Y'all have an awesome Sunday...Okay...enjoy what's left of it :) 

xx

Rules? What rules?

*Clears throat*

I refuse to get used to the apparent fact that the apparent average distance between my posts is 4 weeks. Apparently outrageous but i'm not giving up.

Anyways, I have the strongest urge to scribble so, here I am. I hope it all makes sense in the end. I'm not sure what's happening to me. In geek terms, this is what I get when I try to reach me:

Unable to Locate Host.

I'm not sure if the Host server is down or If the "Intranet" connection is lost...or if there's something I'm doing incorrectly. Oh well, Whatever happens, I'll find out....sooner hopefully.

Anyways, back to today's rant. It's a topic I'm passionate about and I thought i'd just drop my 2 pence in the offering box and be on my way. 

Okiedokes.

See, the intention of this post is not to impugn the laws of relationships. No. The intention is to chuck the hell out of them (even if the writer has Ph.D after their name)...and this is my humble opinion so feel free to chuck 'em at any point 'cause...

sigh

Moving on...

All these relationship tips and rules...."Ten rules to get him to love you...15 rules for dating workaholic...5 ways to get him to put a ring on it in 6 weeks or less..." etcetera etcetera etcetera...They're driving me nuts!

You think you can just read up a few books, listen to a few myopic views (That's what they are, like it or not, most people write from personal experience) snap your fingers and play the mating game?

I was talking with someone that belongs to a certain (sad) school of thought who believe that "If he doesn't call you at least 3 times daily, sisteh, he aint into you. Forget that texting ish. If he likes you, he's gonna wanna hear your voice more than once a day!"

I've heard this so  many times and I'm thinking "Wahts ghet ab, brethren?"

FOCUS!

Personally, if I were seeing a guy, I'd probably not call him that much...and that's a guy I'm totally INTO! I may text the hell outta him...Or IM...or just send random, sometimes totally random pictures...So I think I've kinda sorta squashed that rule....oh shoot! I'm a girl. **scoffs**


Anyways, same goes for all the other blighted rules of engagement as far as relationships are concerned. Who makes these blighted rules anyways? Some of them stink right up to the firmament. (Long market woman hiss)


In my very short life among mortals, I have heard quite a few outrageous "rules" or "tips" (Someof which I tried when I was younger and stupid-er) and I'll share some of them here:

One of my favorites -
"If a guy makes eye contact with you and keeps it locked for a few moments and then (wait for it), smiles, he's totally hitting on yo' azz!"

Hello? In my myopic personal opinion slash Experience slash Vicarious experience, YOU PROBABLY LOOK LIKE SOMEONE HE KNOWS...He probabbly wants to ask if you're Alex's sister because "..the resemblance is uncanny!"

Here's another crazy rule:
"You cannot tell a guy you like him coz he gon' think yo azz is a cheap farm tool."

Check this: A woman finds a guy she likes, she send him all the signals in the book...No dice. See, I'm not talking stalker crazy chica or gold digger types. i'm talking for reals. She's only looking for love...and now she's stuck in a rut. She can't tell the negro (a causasian or whatever rocks yer boat) that she likes him "...coz the rule say so" That poor woman may have lost the love of her life to that sad, sad rule.

Oh gee! This one is a favourite among the menfolk and it cracks me up more than a tad bit:
"If she's "too nice" to you, she's totally gonna bed yo azz!"

smhvvv...Yeah! She may be hitting on you...OR NOT. Have you thought of the tiny possibility that maybe you've been placed high above the f&%k-buddy-zone to the prestigious "friend-zone"...or the balanced I-see-my-future-kids-in-you-zone...Think about it before y'all end up like a couple of people I know who married other people (and are both utterly miserable) after dancing around each other for long years of "f&%K-Buddy"ship. Pitiful situation. (Yes, I see just how one sided this is. Aren't you tired of seeing the other side?)

Let me just say here: Not every girl who smiles at you would like to sleep with you.
Selah.

Moving on some more.

IMHO, if you're willing to take all  the relationship advice you've heard and read over time, then you, my darling, don enter one-chance roller-coaster...in which one of two things may happen: You may end up giddy with excitement and fulfillment or...uhmm...remember that puke-fest scene in Problem child 2? Youp Youp! (#NoVicO btw) You probably will end up with vomit all over your mac-finished face, dear lady or your absolutely fabulous self, my fine young man and that's not all.


No. That may be all.


Don't get me twixtid. There are some tell tale signs that a guy's a cad or that a girl is just with you because your brother won't get with her...or that the dude totally digs yo azz....or some other crazy shyt like that. There are sure signs. It's these superfluous rules I have issues with.

Since when did we need laws to love? laws and procedures are dumb. In My Humble Opinion (Recovering Opinionista. Pardon me.) they ensure you don't need to think for yourself..."if this happens, then this gives..." bull-dung...and I say this in the most christian manner.

A really wise man (Barry Schwartz, I think) once said and I quote: "moral skill is chipped away by the over reliance on rules that deprive us of the opportunity to improvise and learn from our improvisations..."

It made a lot of much sense then as he was talking about life in totallement...It does now that I think of in relation to relationships. The top and bottom line are: There are no rules! Let me rephrase: THERE SHOULD BE NO RULES. Let's face it: some of these so called rules work across board and sometimes...more times than we care to let on, some of these rules work at cross purposes with the peculiarities of our various relationships. 

Relationships aren't classical music. They, in fact, should be like jazz, where you look at the notes and yet improvise...that's the flavour. (Barry {i think} is a very wise man)


Like I said earlier, I always like to give my myopia voice so feel free to disagree.


--
xx




P.S
I'm still gonna write that letter...it's supposed to be a confession...One crazy weekend...Uhmm ...sigh. Let's just say I'll put that one under "Plan never-ever-think about-it". *ZIP*


P.P.S
I have a blog that has been comatose for getting on to 3 years now...what am I gonna do with me?




Cognitive itch: Michael Franks - Monkey See, Monkey Do

Re: 30 Letters - "Words, Wide Night"

*sweeps cobwebs*

Hey y'all.

How's it going? I know I know.
I'm alive an well and I will come here for as long as I still can.
Okay! I promised I would do the letter challenge so here I am. Slight problemos...just teeny-tiny snags:

1. I ain't starting from Day 1 (I cheat once in a while :D)
2. I'll cheat a little more than little...yes.


I must warn you, it's just a few words from a scatterbrain. That said, here we go:

DAY 19 — Letter to someone that pesters your mind—good or bad


Hey ya,

I would never dream of saying this to you...ever! I love our palship, dearest buddy of mine and I don't wanna ruin it. Everything I wanna say to you, imma keep in my heart because I'd rather have your friendship.

See, I was reading some poetry tonight an one of them poems struck a nerve. It almost said all I want to say to you...all I probably will never say (Never saying never. Who knows?)

It's a poem by Carol Ann Duffy...and here goes:


Words, Wide Night by Carol Ann Duffy

Somewhere on the other side of this wide night
and the distance between us, I am thinking of you.
The room is turning slowly away from the moon.

This is pleasurable. Or shall I cross that out and say
it is sad? In one of the tenses I singing

an impossible song of desire that you cannot hear.

La lala la. See? I close my eyes and imagine the dark hills I would have to cross
to reach you. For I am in love with you

and this is what it is like or what it is like in words...


Yessir massa. Indeed I am. I really truly can't take my mind off you...funny huh?

I told myself it was never going to happen...Not with someone like you...I'm strong...I'm ready for whatever...sigh...I wasn't ready for this, trust me. It was sprung upon me.

"This is pleasurable. Or shall I cross that out and say it is sad?" 

 It is actually sad. Why??? Because, my dear, this tiny little piece of information will die hither. In this letter. This letter that you probably may never see...

So! Since I can't accept what you're wont to offer, I have to ask you to get out of my dreams :(  Oh yes...Since you aren't aware, I shall help in that regard.



Yours truly,
.X.




*****
Some bum magnet stuff.
This is probably a mistake. lol. Anyhoos, I'm posting it. Sigh. I don't know if I can continue fa...heavy sigh...this took so much. Wistful sigh...If I will, the Next letter will be: Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

-
xx

 

For the sake of clarity...Write a letter.

Wandering semi-demi aimlessly around blogville recently, I saw this on Bumight's space. I figured I'd try. I hope it doesn't end up like the 30 day challenge I started and managed just 5 days of...sigh...I need to focus. This looks like "way to go!" material so! I shalt try it.


Here's how it works:

WRITE A LETTER TO THESE PEOPLE :

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror



NB:

One of my favorit-est people got hitched this Saturday :D Happy married life T&T...Lotsa love...and Children :D

Something unclear...

From age 13 till about my 19th, "When I fall in love" was my favorite Dion tune. I believed that true love happened once in  life time and that one mustn't screw it up.

I was very foolish.

I say this because close to 10 years after nursing this...this startlingly foolish idea (Harnessed, of course, by the volume of M&B novels I'd ingested, digested and Assimilated), I have finally come to the conclusion that one can love as many times as one's heart allows. One can love so little...one can love so much. One can find love whilst "in love". One's heart CAN and WILL play that crazy game with one even when one knows it ain't shit.

See, Twas my first in University when I "fell in love" the first time.

May I quickly say here:
* That is discounting the love I had for RMD before he married Jumobi Adegbesan right in front of my very before...I forgive him though....I was very young. I'd have married her  too :(

* That is also discounting the love I still have for Davor Suker and it wasn't just because he could score goals from the bloody midfield! I recently fell head over heels all over again for his salt and pepper crown *swoon*

* This document must also discount the love I had for Hritik Roshan....'s Eyes!


Okay. I think I'm done with the discounts.

Like I was saying jare, I fell in in love in my first year...I'm not sure if it was his voice on the radio (We co-presented a campus type show back then....yeah) Or if it was his seeming irreverence...Or his brains...or the fact that I just wanted to be in love because my friends were all "in love"....

Sigh

One of them even had a boyfriend who came on to me...El Stupide told me he was actually using my friend to get to me.

Twat.

So, as I was saying, I "fell in love" with P.O.Y. (To be referred to as P. in the rest of this here document :p). In retrospect, I think I was in love with the idea of being in love. I know now because, looking back, I see gazillions of reasons why I should've sang out loud "That's it! I quit! I'm moving on!" but the idea of not being in love was nothing short of...daunting.

Sigh.

Have I said I was young and stupid? Oh I have. Shyt.

Right.

I fell out of love with P. See, I tried to make it work. I took all there was to take without looking like I dropped from the firmament. It got to a point where I decided I couldn't take it anymore. I walked...Or so I thought because now I realize I had him in my head and It took all of 4 years to get him out. (His phone number's still adamant though :s) At some point, the thought of a man in my life for longer than 2 weeks became a long, winding thing.

'Twas that bad. People thought we were going to get married. Heck, some blighters still ask after him. I've stopped thinking "'dahell???" It's such a waste of emotions.

I digress.

Digress from what exactly seems to be the question....hmmmm...

At this point, I'll have you know that this post was started all of 2 months ago and I really, truly have forgotten exactly how I got here. However, from the scrap title, I think I have a general idea where I wanted it to end.

WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT???


Very little.

For a relationship to work, love is the topping. Y'all need to find a rhythm.
What works for us...This particular combination of You and I? That should be the question. Love matters but it takes sacrifice...compromise to keep ANY relationship working especially romantically inclined ones.

Sacrifice from both parties. Like 50:50???

Hell neeeeh.

One person. Uno. Un. Ofu onye. Okan. daya. It could come to 60:40 or 80:20 but it depends on one person. Gaskiya, In my opinion, (Feel free to opine differently...or Not.) I sincerely believe that in the end, it takes one person to decide for LOVE to work. Some of us are engineered to be that one person...

sigh.

My mind's in a tizzy...

...of all these things, the greatest is love

Yo Yo!

What's crackkkking?
I found this while I as aimlessly surfing last week. Okay. I wasn't aimlessly surfing. I was surfing for materials for my radio show. It's an Omnibus-esque show. 6 hours. WORK. phewww. Need I say that this last weekend, I slept for close to 9 hours straight. Did not stir, consciously or semi-consciously. Prolly stirred unconsciousy...Drat. I digress. I stumbled upon this text and I thought I'd share.
Seems like a great read to start le week on so, here goes:


**************************************************************

Look at yourself.
You are human.
You are beautiful.
You can be anything.
You can be everything.
Do not think no one loved you, or you were made to feel fat, thin, stupid...worthless.
Do not feel sad about things beyond your control.
Don't hang on to painful memories.
Don't be afraid to let go.
Don't waste your life on those that are not worth your time.
Forgive those that hurt you.
Stop taking things for granted.
Live for yourself.
Fall in love.
Fall out of love.
Always ask questions.
Don't be afraid to show how you really feel.
Create. Imagine. Inspire. 
Make something beautiful.
Make someone's day.
Follow your dreams.
Follow the stars.
Live your life to its full potential.
Live your life with passion and vigour.
Just live.
Don't look back with regrets.

Trust me, If you don't love yourself or have respect for yourself, all this will mean diddlysquat to ya. Right. That said, I'm done. I don't remember if there was a title now....I'll find out and post a title...and the link.


Y'all have a blessed week.



Cos X say so :D




--
xx

(Un)Finished Business

(In totally unrelated akuko) I just realized I never really did finish "The Untitllable" series...Now going through them again made me realize how much those days....taught me (I think I said somewhere that the stories were faction :P) most of it, fact, others embellished :-)


Don't hate. Celebrate :P


....and now back to our regular scheduled programme. 


I've been introspectin'....seem to be doing that a lot these days. Yah. I'm getting old...Okaaay. Like I was saying, I've been thinking....and i've come to the conclusion that there is always that one person you love in your lifetime who becomes the definition of love for you. This is the person who will always be the benchmark for what you expect from or require of a mate. The person whose character will always and forever be the set mark that informs your selection of the "significant other" for the rest of your natural life (consciously or unconsciously),

The person may not be different from anyone else...or like in my case (Kyrie Eleison...) this person could be the most extraordinary humanoid you've met in thy entire life and for a very long time (in my case, even now...to some extent), may define how you feel about every bloke/girl you meet.

Honestly, This Person was my idea of what everybody should be. Male and female alike.

{Clarification: He wasn't my first love. Second actually - the one Dolly P wrote "I will always love You" for. My first love was a...never mind. He was "all that" at some point so... :|}

Anyways, It finally hit me that I (Unconsciously) made comparisions with subsequent love interests and when this potential object of my affection didn't pass the "examination", I suddenly found myself balking. It happened more times than I care to remember and it was their fault at the time. I can see clearly now.

Chai. My life.


"First cut is the deepest" na ogbonge lie. Sometimes you dont even need a cut. It's really the most complex thing. Love. Complexity.

I realized that I've came to love many things that he symbolized...Unconsciously...Some unforgotten conversations...movies...memories...Books read together...Places visited...memories...That One Special Kiss....memories...memories....It was real honest love and when it required letting go, I'm glad I let go...kai, but mehn, love is the ultimate pupeteer yo.


Sigh


I gats let go of 'em unreasonable "parameters" and embrace a different kind of love...abi what's the moral of this story??



--
xx




 P.S.
This is just one of those mushy posts I started eons ago that suddenly became relevant...for different reasons...It didn't quite end like I thought it would last year when I started writing it. In fact, me this year is pointing and laughing at me last year...sigh...this is an entire pile of incomprehensible bunkum...sigh...Hopefully one of these days, Mutabaruka will come out of hibernation and write something fraught with creativity.

Fraught. Hmmmmm. There is hope.



P.P.S
Biko, love isn't overrated. That's baldderdash.
Who's rating by the way?

Of 11 questions and 33 plus answers...

Here I am.

2000-and-late as ever, it's time for my own version of the 11 questions thingy. Seems to be on every blog i've perused recently...And since i'm itching to keep this space glowing, here goes:


Eleven things about me:

1. Read Here. There's more than you need :)

2. That is all :)


So the first set of questions I'm answering are from Toinlicious' via the PETprojects.

Here goes:

1. Last book I read:
"Making Words Of Love For Lovers of Words" by Evan Morris...and I am a lover of love and words...great read. Trust me.

2. If I could listen to any song for the rest of my life..
I'd have issues choosing....however, for the purpoe of this meme, "Smile" by Charlie Chaplin it is.


3. Countries visited asides from my awesome country Nigeria would be...
NONE! Except Republique du Benin and the Cameroons count! To think I love traveling...sigh...things to do before I'm 30 :D (Make more moneyyyyyy is number 1 by the way)


4. If I could have any job in the world with all the resources I need....
I would be a what I am now...Amazing opportunity to impart...


5. Why do I blog?
I started cos I just wanted to spew the stuff going on in my head and in  my life...a getaway...or a sounding board like i named it...then Myne Whitman allowed me write real stuff


6. How old am I?
Read my 28th December Posts :P (Aye, Aye Cap'n)


7. My favourite part of the opposite sex - I'll go with the PETprojects here - that would be the brain....I believe i've said this before...


8. When was the last time I had relations?
I still have relations. All kinds of...The OKAY, The BADASS and the totally "UNCOOLTH"!


9. My least favourite food would be...
SUSHI? Why would anyone wanna eat raw effing fish??


10. Do I have any pets?
Youp Yuop! My doggy. His name's Adre....Adrenaline :)


11. One thing I have been dying to tell you?
Uhmmm....nada.



...And now to questions by DHK -Daughter of Her King ...


1)What hairstyle are you currently rocking?
Kinks...Yah...Nothing's changed.

2)How long did you spend in primary school?
6 years

3)What is your naughtiest moment ?
Hmmmmmm Chai. mba. the time never reach to share that info. Infact, I may never share. sorrryyyyy :p

4)How do you express your anger?
I don't. I take long Walks. Or cry.

5)What would you spend your last penny on?
Books...

6)When was the last time you treated yourself to a niceeeeeee warm food?
4 hours ago...Eba and Bitter Leaf soup garnished with snail and okporoko and...are you h-u-a-ngry yet?

7) Who was the last person you said  "I love you " to?
Wow. I don't remember...Oh! My baby brother. (sheeks...Dude is 19 :|)

8) What is your favourite take away dish?
Does sharwama count as a dish?

9) How do you eat in public?
Anything available...depending on the kinda food though.

10)Do you polish your shoes?
Not myself. I hate polishing...and Ironing...just saying

11)What are your thoughts on after life?
I'm working on spending it in Heaven.


....And finally, SNM's:

1. Who started this thing biko?
Ajuju.


2. What drives/motivates/pushes you in life?
The insurmountable drive to outdo myself.


3. If you could pick one place on earth to be at the moment you answer this question, who/where will it be?
Anywhere i'm loved without judgement.


4. What is your favourite blog, top blog online (Don’t lie, God is watching you)
They (blogs I follow) all represent something for me. so, none in particular.


5. If God were to close his eyes for 10 hours and grant you a hall pass, what would you do with it?
Hmmmmmmmmm...There'll be some blood on the rocks...


6. What makes you happy? (If you tell me God, I will swear for you. I said what, not who)
Calm down biko. *side eye* Making people happy.


7. Do you have a daughter? If yes, how old?
Do my sisters count? I mothered those chicas :|


8. Would you let your daughter marry my son?
Would you let your daughter marry my son?


9. What is the one thing you wish for more than anything else?
To be deliriously happy.


10. At a scale of Hulk to worker ant, what do  you do when you are angry?
Tiger. Nuff said.


11. What is your favourite animal?
Dogs




I'm exhausted.

Phewwwww.



Okay. I'm outta here.



--
XX

The Bitter Truth...or so

Do you notice how we sometimes convince ourselves that that person is interested in us, when in reality they haven't noticed us? You know how there's always the disappointment when it dawns on you that they're completely unaware of your existence..In that way? That you've been ZONED....and not just friend-zoned...I hear people are being Dog-zoned :|

You know what's worse? When they tell you...In words or even deeds.

Just like you, (Yes you) I've been led to believe (by my mind...) that me and this person have a special relationship...and that somehow things mean more between us than they do...Then ((((((BOOOOOOOM!!!!!))))))) As always (maybe not always) He brings me back to earth. I crash land. Then it hits me:

HE'S JUST NOT INTO YOU.

The funny thing is, I know how to move on fast. Doesn't mean I wasn't into the person or anything...it just means that I'm built like that. I'm a natural born racer. For racers, physically moving on is a given. It's something we do instinctively. 


The trigger for this post happened 2 nights ago when I got of the phone with one of my closest friends...Let's call him X (It's just a loan...There's only one X :D) In the beginning, remember how people thought we were an item way back.

I remember how we'd hang out at my house (...and give my uncle's ulcers :D)...or at the cybercafe his family ran a few houses from mine...or just walking almost every evening...sharing feelings and true intentions...for our future.....separately. I knew his girlfriend. I was his shoulder they broke up. I was the go between when he was pining for my friend...

I remember my 18th birthday, X took me to a music store and bought me 18CDs...he said each one was for each year...And the day i told him I thought his denims were a beaty, he took me to where he got em and got me a copy (Yah...Tomboy and shiii. Don't Judge Me.) I was his TOMMY and he was my....well, girlfriend.

We were best friends. We had the same interests.

Music. Computer games. Movies. Books.

He called me his brother....And i called him my sister (loool) It was me he told when he landed a job in one of the multinational food coys. It was him I told when I got my first kiss.

Those were the days...what we shared was profound and life made total sense...until one day.

He'd just redone his apartment (to which I had a key :|) and since I was on holiday, I went a-visiting (If you read this, Chicken, yeah, ah sed it. A-visiting :p) and there he was playing a video game with his cousin. There, also, draped on one the sofas, was a mutual friend (whom we'd yabbed wellllllll) whom he later told me was his girlfriend. I'm like "duuuuuuuuuude! HERRRR????? You can do better nahhh."

I found out later that it wasn't about the girl...I found out that i was actually screaming at the top of my lungs....in my head of course: "duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!!!! I DEY INVISIBLE????"

The thought gnawed at me through out that week and so in one stupid unguarded moment, i sent him an SMS.

It said: "I'm cutting the bullshit and I'm going straight to the point. The way I like you now? There's nothing sisterly about it. I'm not telling you this so that we start a relationship or anything. I just thought you should know."

Shet. Who does that??

I remember that day with a shudder. lol. The moment I pressed send, I called my sister and told her. She said. "Shit." Ya, my thoughts precisely.

He replied my SMS.

Yuop Youp.

"OK."

That's what i got.

Me said: Yah. An 8 year relationship and this is how you botch it.


We didnt speak to each other for 1 Year. One day, out of nowhere, his number appeared on my phone. He was calling. We just talked like nothing happened and the SMS was just a figment of my imagination and that the 1 year hiatus was just me, paranoid.

We resumed our friendship with him introducing me as his female brother and us trading war stories et al...Yeah...War stories....I guess we figured things out within the time frame...I guess all conflicts come together in the end.



4 years after that, I think I did it again.

I met someone last year. I believe i talked about it here at some point. We clicked. We talked about everything. EVERYTHING. For me that's the ultimate turn on. mmmmm hmmmm...we'd be on the phone for eons...our BBM conversations were never ending.
We were friends...and I have few of those.
(My definition: A friend is he with whom you can think aloud.)


One day, I was going on set and there was no telling when i'd be out so i told him to send me something nice...Something i'd see when I got of work. The man sent me the most beautiful note i'd ever recieved (via BBM ofkes) That did me...then I had to relocate to another state to work. Let's just I got friend-zoned.

I guess LDRs aren't everybody's thing. (i really wanted to add "lol" back there...) Leaves me wondering though...did I dream it all up? Maybe I did...Maybe I was the one floating all along in a fantasy land believing that deep down we get each other, need each other...had each other. I saw a connection and meaning in places where they probably didn't exist.

I was probably living out a dream that I probably created in my head...nothing more than an illusion.



LMBBAAO.



What a doofus.


What?

Not me.
The girl who keeps falling for your kind.
Yeah, You.
I know you'll read this.
When you do, I want you yo know that...I wish nothing but the best for you.


--
xx




Damn....I should've known. He thinks Elvis and The Beatles are a pile of crap. Oh well...
I'm done. Twice is enough, don't you think?