This is baaaaad Mehn! I just had to post this marra mehn! THIS happens if you work fe toooooo long in one Flace...

 

Nuff said!

Blog mi...

This blog is under reconstruction...Be up soon!

Mscheeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!

Chei! I don suffer! Notin wen Aee no go see o for this my small life wen I neva even begin! 

Imagine, after a hard day's job, crisis management and all, after standing at d bus stop for
almost half an hour waiting 4 a bike, after being stopped about thrice by d goddam police for you-know-what, after all that crap plus the most obnoxious bike man ever, i dey try cross road o to get a bike to
finally take me to my abode, na im person just grab my hand! I turned around to give the kain somborri a duurty slap, eh! The guy said to me "you want to kill urself?" He said it at the nick of time as my fine black ass would've been dog food today! Ok. So i forgave the blighter his transgresssion only for him to cross the Ona with me and proceed to ask me the most pertinent question  In his truncated left mind ofcourse!  

Which way arre you headed?

 I'm staring at my knight in shining armour, aghast, like waddafuggs! Am i supposed to give you my itinery just cos you saved my ass from being scraped off an Eko road? 

It's not important. I answered.

Why i'm still having this convo, i have absolutely no inkling. I'm bizzy minding my goddam bizness, the blighter who either is seriously visually impaired that he couldn't see my body lingo or he was just a dim-wit because he went on to say to me  

"I want to know you more better."

Chei! A ta m otu agwo! (You really want the translo to that??)

In short, Kin se ejo e, ejo Daddy mi ni! (it's not your fault, it's my daddy's!)

If he had not vehemently refused that i put an "L" sign on his car, i wouldn't be here listening to this bondubo... i was so peeved that i burst into laughter. Racking laughter. 

A mixture of hunger cos of my new weight loss regime, Angst for lagos and the oh-so-mad living, Ire at my Daddy for promising to teach me how to frigging drive then leave me at the mercy of a driving school that i have now no time for considering my Crazy-Ass hours at work, and then more!

I just laughed. You should try it. Fecking therapeutic. 

Well, the maga just standa for there asking me stupid ass questions. Saying stupidER-ass things like:

"What did i do that you don't like me?"

Silence.

"I can be your best friend tomorrow o!"

Dagger-ass stare-down.

"Efen if we don't marry oursef, we can still be friend."

WHAT!!!

E be like say madness dey dis man family o! Wetin consain agbero with Overload?? So in my typical don't-waste-time fashion, i say to the...i don run out of adjectives. Anyhoos, i say to  the man (Note: Man) 

"I don't want to be friends with you."

Why am i still having this convo? I wonderment my sef.

Why???  

(Really worried look on the puppy's face) 

"What did i do? "

"Please, i want to be your friend!"

"i respect you more than what you respect yourself." 

Eh?

"ok. where are you going? I can drop you."

Like a big wrecking ball, eh?

Silence.

He proceeds to touch me... 

the look i give him says I have the propensity and proclivity to commit YOUcide right now!!

"Ok. What is the time?"

"huh?"

This dude has got this big ass time piece, i can see it!

 Silence.

"Baby, what did i do? What should i do to make you like me?"

I don't smell alchy. 

Deduction: This nigguh crazy! Help!

"eh, baby? What should i do?"

I wanted to say Die! Die! Die! Die! But it's against my religion so i said instead

LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!

The guy practically ran to his Mutor, kia kia! Not even a backward glance! I finally got me a bike to take me home only for me to get to a "porice shekpoint" and get detained for travelling at a "late hour". The late hour being 10:10p.m. Na im i burst laff, the idiot had the temerity to ask what i was "laving" at! 

Oburo okwu gi, o wu okwu daddy m! (it's not your fault, it's my daddy's) 

They "collected" from the Okada rider sha! After all that drama, i get home and darkness...ok...rechargable lamps greet me.

Me: What happened to the Genny?

Brov: It's not starting, i dunno...I tried...

After everything???? 

When will these dim-witted nit wits fecking lightupnigeria????

Btweenie

Did i mention that Miz T.'s Preggers? If i catch that wretched Mutt that put my lovely mutt in the family way, hmmmm...

Patrick Swayze

 

Rest in Peace....

Thou shalt not....

I got this in my mail a coupla years ago. i've embellished a bitty, but i assure you it's almost original! I hope y'all get a kick outta this joint! It's...Jes' enjoy!


You gatta give the Church Credit as it tries to get its message across as best it can, afterall the end justifies the means! To you all American wanna-bes who've had trouble understanding the King James Version, try this for size:

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS:

1. I'm God. You'd best not be thinking of playing me!

(I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt not have any other gods before me.)

2. Don't be makin no hood, ornaments or charms, saying they look like me!

(Thou shalt not have any graven images)

3. Don't be callin' me up for no reason when y'all don't have nuffin to say!

(Thou shalt not use the name of the Lord thy God in vain)

4. Y'all betta be in church every Sunday, and I don't just mean when it's Mother's day, Easter and Christmas day!

(Remember to keep the Sabbath day holy)

5. Don't dis or cuss out yo' momma... and for those of y'all who know who ur daddy is, don't dis or cuss him out neither!

(Honor thy father and thy mother)

6. Don't be goin' on none of dem neighborhood drive-bys and shoot-outs!

(Thou shalt not kill)

7. Stick to ya own Beau y'all!!

(Thou shalt not commit adultery)

8. Don't be 'borrow'n' stuff and forgettin’ to give 'em back!!

(Thou shalt not steal)

9. Don't be snitchin' on your brotha'man to save your own back side!

(Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy brother)

10. Don't be eyein' (skeeming) your homie's crib, his ride, his woman, or nuffin.

(Thou shalt not covet anything that belongs to thy brother).


Peace, OUT!!! Hit me back on what y'all be thinkin'
( If y'all need more translations, y'all should hit on www.urbandictionary.com)

*Tweenie*
Ok. Fashi the shwin shwin...I'm jes' tryna "get into character" is all...!?Area?! Don't y'all think i done gone mad, cos i ain't...jes' a temporary...well...madness...For shizzle, e neva bizzle for me o, i still kinda dey kampe!lol

Random Ramblings: Lethergy, ennui and all their friends...

This writers block thingy has gone on for darn long! An Induced writers block caused by the fact that my laptop...and my Desktop at work both crapped out on me at about the same time. All my files...scripts...stories...it ain't funny...

I'm pals with my bosslady...She's tryna wean me of blogger...chukwu a gaghi e kwe! (God no go gree!) In fact we's friends. Yeah, i know...Word around here's: Never be friends with the Boss. I say fiddlesticks, Period.

So what, i'm the new kid on the block, don't make you an Oscar Wilde! Why do people who've managed to become redundant at their jobs think they can lord it over newbies? Abi na you go school for me? Can't they overstand that " i don't want your fecking Job!" Damn, these dim wits just make me wanna roll over and cry.

I'm cranky alright. Cranky as hell. And i think Miz T.(My Doggy) is preggers. How? Where? When? I dunno. I don't know. She awfully lazy and her mammaries are kinda bigger. Maybe i'm seeing things. Considering i get home so late and i'm half asleep and Miz T. tired from the day's activities and...and...

Plus some woman who by the way sounds like a banshee (as described) has been calling my phone talking to someone who ain't me.

PHCN's really Crappy stuff. Real crappy. I'm not even wasting valuable space saying it.

Niether am i gonna waste more valuable space talking of

THE FRYING EANGLES!

Ok. Haven't been on FB in about two weeks. I'm cured. That shit was madness. Sheer madness.

Still haven't seen a movie since my last random obiligbo. When did i get this bizzy? Boooooooooooooring? Unexciting??? Me?????
Even I am worried...

Right. I think i'll go back to work. Praying for Uhuru...

Dia ...Monologue V

WEDNESDAY, 26TH August, 2009

Club X...12.45A.M

...did you hear me? (beat) i said i'm 'daeze...Just got in from the states...(beat) yeah, Haven't been home in a while...and you're...? Sunom...Hi Sunom...forgive my crusty manners but i've been staring at you since you walked in with your pals...wondering what your voice may sound like...(beat) uhm...i'm sorry...i'm just so used to telling it as it is that i plum forgot where the heck i was...it's alright...let's pretend it didn't happen. Enjoy your...(beat) what? (Beat) really? You don't mind? Wow! Gee! Thanks! Well, like i said, I just got back into the country...tryna fit into the Nigerian mould...(chuckles) Kinda hard ya know...uhm...we're screaming and we can barely hear each other...uhm...can we go outside...to the bar, perhaps...Or to my hotel . It's just across from this place...awww...geez! There I go again...ignore me...(beat) Huh?...(Beat)You don't mind coming with me...(beat) Swell! C'mon then...

...2hours later...
Wow!! Dude...you are one helluva guy...Shit! I can't wait to do this again! We'll let Phil watch! (beat) oh! phil's my Husband, I must've mentioned him at some...Wassup? Where're you goin'?

(Slam!)

Tongue in cheek...Signs You're Being Too Nice

I was reading thru my mail and i came across this...one of those thingies we subscribe for and end up unsubscribing cos they've clogged up our boxes? Ya digg? well, Not mentally disposed to blogging...and longing to share this piece, czech this out. For the "new men" it read...believe it or not...


We're taught from a very early age that being nice is a virtue. From the time we were infants, our parents told us to "be nice." They taught us to be polite and to share, and to be considerate and kind. For the most part, it's good advice. Society depends upon civility to function and relationships require mutual respect. However, one can be too nice and when you're too nice, people tend to take advantage of you -- women included.

In a relationship, as in life, it's possible to be too considerate, too helpful and too selfless. There are signs you're too nice, and we can help you recognize them. Whether you're pursuing a woman or you've already got one, when you're too nice it can prevent you from having the relationship you really want. Women appreciate a gentleman, but they don't respect pushovers. So which one are you? Review our signs you're too nice and find out for yourself.

1- You're too respectful
In most social situations, good manners and respect for other people will get you pretty far. The woman in your life, in particular, deserves respect; however, while every woman appreciates a gentleman, there are certain arenas in which you can be too respectful. We're talking specifically about the bedroom here.

Being too respectful between the sheets is one of the signs you're too nice. In the bedroom, women appreciate spontaneity, assertiveness and a sense of adventure. Your girlfriend or wife doesn't want you to be delicate or tentative in the bedroom. She wants passion. She wants you to ravage her. She might even want a little dirty talk.

2- You're too interested
If you're unfailingly interested by every little thing your wife or girlfriend does, it's another sign you're too nice. Yes, you want to take an interest in her career, her family and her hobbies, but it's a bad sign if you're more interested in her life than you are in your own. Not only will she eventually get tired of you sticking your nose in her business, but your excessive interest in her will ultimately make you boring.

If you abandon your aspirations, neglect your interests and bail on your friends just so you can concentrate all of your energy on your relationship, chances are your relationship is doomed to fail. By giving up on all the things that make you interesting (and, ultimately, who you are), you're killing the guy she fell for in the first place. That's why becoming too interested in her is one of our signs you're too nice.

3- You're too complimentary
Being too complimentary is another one of our signs you're too nice. Every woman loves to be complimented, but every woman also wants your compliments to be genuine. Once you start telling her how beautiful she is six times a day, the words lose all meaning.

There are times when your wife or girlfriend is going to look like a showstopper. She'll probably get all dolled up when the two of you have dinner plans, for example. However, there are other times when she's going to look like a train-wreck, like when she's hungover or sick. She doesn't want to hear how beautiful her eyes are when they're actually glassy and bloodshot. Give her compliments consistently, but sparingly; that way they'll be more meaningful.

4- You're too understanding
It's unfashionable these days to be too judgmental; tolerance and acceptance are the cardinal virtues of the modern era. That's great, but one can be too understanding and that's another one of the signs you're too nice.

It's a fact of life: Some people suck, and even good people do bad things from time to time. Trying to "understand" another person's point of view as he or she walks all over you isn't tolerant; it's spineless. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself. Most importantly, if your partner sees other people walking all over you, she'll walk all over you too -- that is, until she walks out on you.

5- You're too cheerful
The last of our signs you're too nice has to do with your mood. If you're smiling and cheery all the time, you're too nice. Everyone gets pissed off once in a while. More to the point, sometimes anger is a completely justifiable response. Bad behavior in children, for example, calls for a certain degree of anger. When one of your employees is caught slacking off, anger is the necessary response. The same is true when your girlfriend behaves badly. Getting angry or upset at appropriate times isn't a sign of instability; it's a sign you're a man.

naughty or nice?

These are just a few of the signs you're too nice. The point here is about self-respect. If you have a clear sense of who you are and what you want out of life, you won't let someone walk all over you. If you don't respect yourself, be prepared to be treated like doormat.




Eziokwu?!

Dia...Monologue IV 1/2

Wednesday, August 27, 2009 at 1:39am

Location: Bar Zerr...

(Beat)
Goodnight...Sleep well...
I love the way you people say that...so easily...I used to say it too...a lot...Until that day...that day...
(Sigh)
Sleep well, sweet dreams...
Sleep well, Heck i haven't slept in 2 weeks...(hic)
(Beat)Why? WHY??? Because i fucking can't!
I can't until i do what they ask...(hic)
i can't till i undo what I've done...
I can't till she comes back home to her daddy...(hic) she said that the last time i shut my eyes...she keeps telling me that...I told her i didn't mean to...(hic) but every time i shut my eyes...i see her beautiful face...her lovely smile...My baby...i see her call out for her daddy...then...then i see the ugly hole I put between her eyes...(tears) i didn't mean to...it was all their fault...they made me do it...they told me to. They said it was the ONLY way out...He's gone. She's gone. Sleep's gone too.(hic)

So friend, do me a favour (burp)sleep for two while I drink for the army!
(Scoffing)
Sleep well! hmmmph! Fucking funny!!!

Random Abunna

I'm sorry for the break in transcription...I've got these thoughts in my head, unfortunately, they are not in "English"...I'll do translations and revert ASAP...For now, I jes' wanna rave about anything but something:

I've been eating too much Roast Corn and Roast coconuts lately...yelz! Pre lunch Snack naw, ah ah... Well, i don't wanna pile on more weight…

I've become an office rat...I haven't knocked off before 9p.m lately...

Had the weirdest kind of fun @ the weekend...Thanks Gurls...I may blog abourrit, not today sha o! As soon as I get it right....embellishments and all ;o)

How the hell do people think up stuff like Boko Haram??

I have no idea what my nickname should be...I've moved from Tommy to Dragon Eyes; from Bella mafia to Falcon to Falcon X...I'm this close to...Never mind. Thanx for your contribution, Jay, but no thanks...lol...

I've got MDS (Movie Deficit Syndrome) :o(

I'm looking forward to January 2010...The president of the Federal Republic of Nigeria promises regular power supply then...

Lagos traffic is still as INSANE....takes me friggin' 2 hours to do a 30 minute drive...still!

Everybody's getting married! I've been at more weddings in the last three months than in my entire life.

What happened to Clifford Orji???? Jes' Czeching...
My latest musical addictions: Frank Sinatra and Lenny Kravitz…disjointed, ey?

Finally, In supplication,

Please God, stop this cruel and uncommon punishment, make Arsenal win a title this year, Please…

Dia. . .Monologue IV

Wednesday, January 7, 2009 at 6:39pm
Location: Theirs...


. .This isn't getting us anywhere babe. . .You better shape up. . . (Beat) oh?! I'm being unreasonable. . . (beat) oh really now. . . She calls you upwards of Seven times a day and i'm supposed to sit the F**k here and take a chill pill? (Beat) Honey!!! She calls at midnight and I know for sure our number ain't Aunty Kemi's helpline! (Beat) What's up with that??? She's ur frigging EX! that's what! (Beat). . .I'm being paranoid?! No baby, I'm shitting frigging hot bricks here!!!! (beat) So, she's having problems...you're not her only friend, are you?!(beat). . .Shit! I'm not. . . (phone rings). . hello(beat) Oh. Helen. . .(beat) Nope. He's not here (beat) he's out looking for a new place...Call his mobile. 

(Click)

Dia. . .Monologue III

Thursday, January 8, 2009 at 5:17pm @ His (or not??)

(Pacing) Shit. Shit. Shit! Is that all you're going to say? I'm pregnant! Didn't you. . .(Beat) Wh. . . (beat) What?? How in HADES is my being pregnant MY fault???? (Beat) I should've been more careful? (Beat) Are you kidding me?? (beat) Hell, why are we even discussing this...We're supposed to be making plans not getting mad!! (Beat) We were gon' get married, aren't we? (beat) So what you didn't plan for this. . .did I? (Beat) Oh great! I probably did, huh?(Beat). . . What? (beat) TRAP YOU?? Oh, shit! This has got to be a dream!! (Beat) I'm listening. . . (beat) I don't understand... (Beat) You're MARRIED??!! Oh Shit!(Thud)

Dia. . .Monologue II

Friday, January 9, 2009 at 12:02am

Location: Mama's Lagos home

(On the phone)...Er...Yeah...yep...My flight's for the 16th...aiight...I miss you too baby...nah, I can't make it before then...I've got a lot of things to tie up here...besides mum's just gonna have a coronary if I change dates.... haahahaaha...OK sweetie...talk to ya later...yeah after my meeting...i love you too baby...bye ya! (Click)
SSHIT! mum! You freaked me out! (beat) Who?. . .oh! it was Lex? She's my friend in the States, Ma (Perplexed)...Mum, wassup?... (beat) You're worried about me? Why would you be? (Beat) Ma, That's...well...strange...funny even...(beat) Because, mum, I work with men...I have brothers...and boyfriends (beat) what are u talking about, Ma? (beat) I'm...I don't have time for this, Mum...No I'm not running away from discussing it ma! I don't wanna, that's it!...(beat) oh, so you wanna play like that now...(Beat) What are you doing?...(beat) My keys mum! I have a meeting in 45 minutes mummy! (Beat) What you don't know is cool ma... (beat) Cool! Lex and i have been together for 6 years...what? (beat) You want the truth? (beat) Lex is a girl...I'm not into men...like that, Ma...I'm...uhm...lesbian. (Back turned) Why are you doing this to...

(thud!)

hey ma...Mum? Mum?! MUUUUUUUMMMMMYYYY!?!??!?!?!?!?!

Dia..Monologue I

Thinking of something to blog about and voila! Bright Idea! I'll share some of my short "stories" :) ENJOY!

Friday, January 9, 2009 at 10:53pm

Location: The shrink's office..

Hello, Nonso's my name...(beat) Hello, Ronke, I hear you tried to jump off the 3rd mainland...(Beat)(beat) Hmmmm...depressed,eh...says here in your file that this is the second time you've tried to take your own life... Ok kid...lets cut the bullshit...I'm not here to tell you life's good and you'll have another husband-to-be in no time. I'm not here to talk you out of killing yourself. If that's what you really want, Be my guest. . .but don't pull any stunts till after this session, ok? (silence) Are we clear on that? (Beat) Good. Now, I wanna hear your own side of this tale, so, spill. (beat) Great! So your fiance left you for his student, after you'd been together for all of 6 Years...?
(Beat) 

Look here young woman, you want to hear a tale of woes? Try this: I'm  turning 48 in two weeks, I've been married for 22 years, married against everybody's better judgment...I got disowned because i fell in love with someone "beneath" my social class...here's the interesting part...My husband has been bedridden for 10 years...Guess what? He was in an accident...with his mistress...(beat) YES. But she died in the accident...certainly saved me jail-term. During my marriage...well, the active years, I've had 4 pregnancies...4! 1 miscarriage, 3 Still Births! That is 4 pregnancies and no child and I have no hope because I'm menopausal and the man I loved - who betrayed me - is a vegetable and cant even be divorced! So kid, if you think your life's pathetic and you want to put an end it, try being a little more creative with your methods. Stabbing yourself with a table knife in front of your family...jumping off a bridge in Broad daylight...my dear child, (chuckles) that's comedy...but, if you think my yakking made any sense, make use of those brains I know you've been given, get off your butt, and get a move on! We're done here!

(Ding)

Kai! Stop that rough play!

Somebody sent me this mail...and i'm thinking:

You've gotta be kidding me!

Here's how it went...

You are Everything To Somebody
Right now at this very minute-----------

someone
is very proud of you

someone
is thinking of you

someone
cares about you

someone
misses you

someone
wants to talk to you

someone
wants to be with you

someone
hopes you aren't in trouble


someone
is thankful for the support you have
provided

someone
wants to hold your hand

someone
hopes everything turns out all right


someone
wants you to be happy


someone
wants you to find them

someone
is celebrating your successes

someone
wants to give you a gift

someone
think you ARE a gift

someone
hopes you are not too cold, or too hot

someone
wants to hug you

someone
loves you

someone
wants to lavish you with small gifts

someone
admires your strength

someone
is thinking of you and smiling

someone
wants to be your shoulder to cry on

someone
wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun

someone
thinks the world of you

someone
wants to protect you

someone
would do anything for you

someone
wants to be forgiven

someone
is grateful for your forgiveness

someone
wants to laugh with you about old times

someone
remembers you and wishes you were there

someone
is praising God for you

someone
needs to know that your love is unconditional

somebody
values your advice

someone
wants to tell you how much they care

someone
wants to stay up watching old movies with
you

someone
wants to share their dreams with you

someone
wants to hold you in their arms

someone
wants YOU to hold them in your arms

someone
treasures your spirit

someone
wishes they could STOP time because of
you

someone
praises God for your friendship and love

someone
can't wait to see you

someone
wishes that things didn't have to change

someone
loves you for who you are

someone
loves the way you make them feel

someone
wants to be with you

someone
is hoping they can grow old with you

someone
hears a song that reminds them of you

someone
wants you to know they are there for you

someone
is glad that you're their friend

someone
wants to be your friend

someone
stayed up all night thinking about you

someone
is alive because of you

someone
is remorseful after losing your
friendship

someone
is wishing that you would notice them

someone
wants to get to know you better

someone
believes that you are their soul mate

someone
wants to be near you

someone
misses your guidance and advice

someone
values your guidance and advice

someone
has faith in you

someone
trusts you

someone
needs you to send them this letter

someone
needs your support

someone
needs you to have faith in them

someone
needs you to let them be your friend

Question is: Where is the someone ooooooooooooooooh???!!!

Inspiration: Zilch.

I've been try to blog about something...nothing seems to make sense at all, eh! inspiration comes in odd places...when i gtet down to it...e go just yamutu lke say dem send am...they call it writers block, i do b'live...i call it fatigue...when i was jobless (well, sorta...) over inspiration dey worry me....i was churning lyrics...stories....like say tomorrow no go come...kai! Now i have an all day long Job...(i detest 9-5s!)my dream job...but good ol' inspiration's running away and i'm running behind it sceaming like a banshee...praying that this noise in my head takes a long walk...but no...i got ta go...else i may become incoherent...argh!

Michael Joseph Jackson's being buried today...merde!

20 Questions. . .

I posted this on facebook Saturday, January 17, 2009 at 1:27pm...yeah most peeps are at work at that time...i...was jobless...fresh outta service, freelance production assistant kinda jobless... so i got this bright idea...(well, sorta bright) to ask these nagging FAQs...trying to express my fundamental right of freedom of expression...or lack thereof...

Anyways, twenty questions it was gonna be...only i didn't have patience for 20...so dear Blog Ville... inspired by Mr Lethargy and Miss Ennui, here goes:

+Why do humans make promises they cant keep?

+Why do people have more than one face?

+Why do women like being lied to?

+Why do IT knowing IT'll kill you one way or another?

+Why the heck do we fall in love. . . again and again?

+What about same-sex sex?

+What do elephants say when they're mad?


Seven's a good number. . . Methinks!



©FALCON

EGO. OWO. KUDI

I'm just musing. . .

. . .Money slow to enter,
Money quick to go. . .
Money slow to enter,
where money dey go, I no know, I no know o. . .

czech this out...

"Men throughout history have proved unable to do without women. . .But women on the other hand have proved they do not need men to survive. . ."

TRUE/FALSE...You choose...

I say:
If that statement was regarding Emotional needs,

I have one word: Bollocks! Men and women were made for each other...it's a complementary equation...QED!

pOnDeRiSmS...

*why eat a lot of natural foods when most people die of natural causes.

•There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

• Life is sexually transmitted.

• Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

• Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
lying for nothing..

• Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no
one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

• Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

• All of us could take a lesson from the weather.

..It pays no
attention to criticism.

• In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now
the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

• How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
takes a whole box to start a campfire?

• Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think
i'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'


• Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if
hey are going to look up there anyway?


• If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

• If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

• Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive
faster?

• Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

I just wonder...