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"Of the thirty-six ways of avoiding disaster, running away is always best." - Anon

I usually (Okay, I at least try to...) write things that have touched my heart, caught my eye, held my attention, left my mind wandering, my heart longing and my body in spasms...left me gasping for air...sometimes in anger at others and other times in self-chastisement.

There are certain things in life that are better off unknown....things I wish I'd never asked, never saw, never heard or never even felt. These can't labelled "regrets"

Naah...Never in my case.

sigh

The things that lie deepest in our hearts are really the hardest to say....half the time, these are things that need to be said. For clarity...Sanity even.

wistful sigh.

A word that may aptly describe me right about now would be that moody and listless...lethargic (Maybe?) this thing in my mind that won't let go...this feeling of...I can't quite put it together...looks like loneliness...it never quite leaves me....Well, it leaves and then comes back...it just stays inside me.

Trust me I've tried expunging...and don't get it twisted: Isolation doesn't bother me at all...Being alone and feeling lonely are two different things. You can be with people and still be lonely: I've achieved it several times...effortlessly too.

My days..

One moment, I'm quiet and still...Next thing, I'm bubbly. One moment I'm laughing my gonads sore and the next my tear ducts seem to kick into maximum overdrive without consulting me...I'm probably the most cynical and pragmatic yet positive type person I know and When I love, I love without reservation, without question but with both feet on the ground...Pragmatist.

The flip-side is, when I walk, you and everything you represent are dead to me. Too sensitive. I don't know any other way to handle hurt than to walk away. I'm cowardly like that. Besides, tis better to end than to mend.

I have been hurt and I (May) have hurt but I am aware that I have so much still to learn...about life...and love...

sigh

I can decide how I spend my time, with whom I interact, whom I share my time, my body...my life. I can choose what I can read and eat and how I'm going to regard and deal with my life as i know it.

I know I'm responsible for my actions. I know what I want and I do not want to be bound to any ideology. I know that I can determine my own fate and keep myself grounded and focus because I can't let God....or myself down. So I guess I owe it to myself to pull me off Le Depresso Boulevard.  

This has gone on long enough...but I know I will be fine.




--
XX


P.S.
I seem to have forgotten the direction I wanted this post to go....Hence the title...This is to hoping that you'll make some sense out of this....ramble...

Forgive me. Service is temporarily overloaded. 



Cheers



xx

Ramble iN My Jangles...

	lol..'sup peepul :D How's tings na? I hope market is moofing fain? ehen...I just say make i aksss" (Sheeet! that shit pisses me the heck off! it's ASK! OKk. Thanks.)  This is just a random "bored-to-me-drawers" post. Not a rant...Just a....rant.  Well i just had this overwhelming feeling to put something down...Fack. i've been tryna hook up a script but it looks like my muse has gone on a french leave (He didn't ask me)  I'm still hooked on twitter...or twirra, like most of us razz peepuls can like to call that pweety birdie :) however, my sister from another mother told me about tweet stats today.  Bottom line: My boss mustn't see that document. Nsogbu ga di. (Problem go dey lol) Bottom-Bottom line:TWIHAB!! NOW!!! But seriously, from one addiction to another...SMH at my self. That's anothr thing...all these short forms and acronyms...hmmm...i see somborri saying "LOL LOL" or "LMAO" instead of just laughing...or say "SHAKE MY HEAD" it's crazy  (I gats catch my sef some kain times sef)  I cut my hair...again. Yup mowed down my 5 inch 'fro. Back down to 2"...it grows...i'm not worried abourrit...I'm worried about the spontaneity of the action...I was on my way home from work...Stopped at the barbers shop. Cropped it. No prior arrangement. No excuses. Nada. My mom said to me when she saw the state of the nation mirrored through her daughter's hair "I fear for your state of mind..." I said to her "I won't cut it again."  Myself said to me "That was what you said the time befor the last...You not only cut it, you  got a mo'hawk and coloured it purple..." There... I have found that i can be slave driven and still have loadsa fun after hours! So i've found a new addiction...KARAOKE!!! Hehehhe (there i go again) Wednesdays and Saturdays will henceforth be dedicated to karaoke...uuuuh! I found...ok not exactly...a friend of mine took me and my sister from another mother to this karaoke bar on saturday and i'm still basking in the sheer beauty of it! Didn't know we had stuff like that on the mainland...it's kinda difficile for me to knock off from work on the mainland and buzz off to island to do karaoke...So, thanks to Ob for hooking a sister up :D *Now dreaming of tomorrow*  My b*ss is still a major a.hole...Nothing's changed in that department. Things have Not improved. I'm gonna take a major decision soon...I miss me...Badly...I've got to sit down and work out where I stand... There's something else...i think it's...it's a whole new post. Ex blues... Meanwhila, I stumbulated upon on some remarkable philosophy...Enjoy hehehehee Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of  me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave  me alone. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and  a leaky tire. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. No one is listening until you make a mistake. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a  warning to others. It is far more impressive when others discover your good  qualities without your help. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.  If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. Don't squat with your spurs on. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield. Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes  from bad judgment The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and  put it back in your pocket. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. A closed mouth gathers no foot.   Duct tape is like the force: it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.   Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.		It's better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.  -- Mark Twain

Random Ramblings: Lethergy, ennui and all their friends...

This writers block thingy has gone on for darn long! An Induced writers block caused by the fact that my laptop...and my Desktop at work both crapped out on me at about the same time. All my files...scripts...stories...it ain't funny...

I'm pals with my bosslady...She's tryna wean me of blogger...chukwu a gaghi e kwe! (God no go gree!) In fact we's friends. Yeah, i know...Word around here's: Never be friends with the Boss. I say fiddlesticks, Period.

So what, i'm the new kid on the block, don't make you an Oscar Wilde! Why do people who've managed to become redundant at their jobs think they can lord it over newbies? Abi na you go school for me? Can't they overstand that " i don't want your fecking Job!" Damn, these dim wits just make me wanna roll over and cry.

I'm cranky alright. Cranky as hell. And i think Miz T.(My Doggy) is preggers. How? Where? When? I dunno. I don't know. She awfully lazy and her mammaries are kinda bigger. Maybe i'm seeing things. Considering i get home so late and i'm half asleep and Miz T. tired from the day's activities and...and...

Plus some woman who by the way sounds like a banshee (as described) has been calling my phone talking to someone who ain't me.

PHCN's really Crappy stuff. Real crappy. I'm not even wasting valuable space saying it.

Niether am i gonna waste more valuable space talking of

THE FRYING EANGLES!

Ok. Haven't been on FB in about two weeks. I'm cured. That shit was madness. Sheer madness.

Still haven't seen a movie since my last random obiligbo. When did i get this bizzy? Boooooooooooooring? Unexciting??? Me?????
Even I am worried...

Right. I think i'll go back to work. Praying for Uhuru...