Memory Stick...

Rule #1:

This is…

Rule #2:
You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING.
Questions may be entertained off the records.

Rule #3:
There’s no rule #3
:D

TRUE OR FALSE
Q: Star Gazed? True
Q: Been arrested? False
Q: Do you like someone? True
Q: Held a snake? False
Q: Been suspended from school? False
Q: Sang karaoke? True
Q: Done something you told yourself you wouldn't do? True
Q: Laughed until you started crying? True
Q: Kissed in the rain? False
Q: Sang in the shower? True
Q: Sat on a roof top? True
Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? False
Q: Broken a bone? False
Q: Shaved your head? False
Q: Played a prank on someone? True
Q: Shot a gun? False
Q: Donated Blood? False

LAST PERSON...
1. You hung out with? Cousins
2. You texted? Jibola
3. You were in a car with? Bossman
4. Went to the movies with? N/A
5. Person you went to shop with? Me

6. You talked on the phone? Jika
7. Made you laugh? Austin
8. You hugged? OD

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...
1. Sun or moon? Moon
2. Winter or Fall? Winter
3. Left or Right? Left
4. Sunny or rainy? Sunny
5. Where do you live? Lagos
6. Sit out or Eat in? Eat in
7. Are there 1 or 2 people who you can always trust and rely on? Yes
8. Do you want to get married? Why not
9. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl
10. What time is it? 7:45 pm
11. Are you afraid of commitment? No
12. What is your greatest hope/wish? Be the best at what I do
13. Do you cook? The best

14. Current mood? Urinated off
15. Where you are? Work

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS HAVE YOU...
1. Kissed someone? No
2. Sang? Yes
3. Listened to music? Yes
4. Danced Crazy? No
5. Cried? No
6. Liked someone you can't have? Yes

25 FIRSTS ...
1. Who was your first date? Henry
2. Who was your first roommate? Debola
3. What alcoholic beverage did you  last drink? Red wine
4. What was your first job? Mr BIGGS
6. When did you go to your first funeral and viewing? When I was 12
7. Who was your first teacher? Mrs. Anyanwu
9. Where did you go on your first trip alone? Abuja
10. When you snuck out of your house for the first time? Never had to
11. Who was your first best friend? TYTaiWO
12. Who was your first Best Friend in high school? BimiJ
13. Where was your first sleepover? Uch's
14. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? Jay
15. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a Bridesmaid or groomsman? N/A
16. What's the first thing you did when you got up this morning? Bitched about the time
17. What was the first concert you went to? MTN Y’hello fest
18. What was the last concert you went to? Don’t remember
19. First tattoo or piercing? Piercing…1 day old me
20. First celebrity crush? MJ
21. Current celebrity crush? Closed book
22. First crush? Dapo
23. Current crush? Uhm...Closed Book
24. Where was your first date? Mr. BIGGS
25. First time you tied your shoe laces? A long time ago

Five names you go by:

1. AdaIdogo

Three things you are wearing right now:
1. 3'' Hair
2. Denims
3. Snickers

Three things you want very badly at the moment:
1. Tons of Cash
2. TV School, NY

3. My life back.


Two things you did last night:

1. TWEETED

2. Called up an Old Friend

Two things you ate today:
1. Rice and  TOMATO Sauce
2. Hob nobs and Tonic Water

Three things you are going to do tomorrow:
1. Work

2. Scout for Schools
3. Work

Two longest car rides:

1. Lagos - Gwagwalada, Abuja
2. Enugu - Mubi, Adamawa



It's not 419. I promise. Post up, tomorrow. lol. How's y'all doin'?

-XX

Ranti and Rant

The last time I had a real post up?? I don’t remember mehn..Work has really been a female dog, walahi! Twitter??? Plix! Don’t even talk about that likkle birdie…She (he) has been a real fortress. (Dead) That green window on my desktop…that allows me vent and rant and rave…real time…Surely, is a good friend (*Deader*)A friend in need..Yeah, I said it!


NEPA/PHCN/Whatever they’re called these days are really stoking my very last nerve. I haven’t had NEPA generated electricity in my house in the last…Goodness knows how long…I can’t wait for the #lightupnigeria campaign to kick off grassroots style joo. Let’s give these mofo a run for their money, mscheeew!

Shoot! These people should respect the fact that I’M IN THE LOO AND LEAVE ME THE HECK ALONE!!! Can’t I even have loo time??? Psst.
Yep .i’m Blogging from the loo. I do everything in the loo these days..except eat ofcourse…I hope to God I don’t ever get to that stage *horrified*. Why? I don’t have me time anymore…it’s real. I wanna chill? I go to the loo…I wanna clear my head? Loo’s the place…I wanna take a call…Hey, I head to the loo…I need a new Job. This isn’t working…I love my job but this *oss is killing me! My social life is for Shit, my love life is rested, my family’s wondering if I still live at home or what??? My friends call me and say let’s hang out..on a Frigging Saturday…only for me to call them up at 3P.M and say something came up. My Boss’ OCD is driving me nuts!!! I t has to be OCD. ..

Arsenal’s 2nd on the Table. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! Abeg make una no disgrace me now o, dis one wey I don first praise una…

Uhm…They won’t let me finish…I ‘ll finish this up soon…

You can call me sweetheart...

Husband Writes:

Dear Sweetheart,

I can’t send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart.

Your husband,

Allen.

His wife responds after a few days:

Dearest Sweetheart, thanks for your kisses, hereunder is a breakdown of expenses:

1. The milk man agreed to 2 kisses for one month’s worth of milk.

2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.

3. Your house owner is coming everyday and taking 2 or 3 kisses instead of the rent.

4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have to give him other items….

5. Other expenses 40 kisses.

Please don’t worry about me. I have a balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month with the balance. Shall I plan same way for the next month? Please advice.



Your Sweetheart,

Rita.


*STILL ROFLMAO*

Have a GREAT WEEKEND Y'ALL. I planning a REAL post next week. Pray for me!
 
-xx

Love, Son.

While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 year old son picked stone and scratched lines on the side of the car.
In anger, the man took the child's hand & hit it many times, not realizing he was using an iron wrench. At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures.

When the child saw his father....with painful eyes he asked 'Dad when will my fingers grow back? Man was so hurt and speechless. He went back to car and kicked it a lot of times.

Devastated by his own actions....... sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches, child had written
'LOVE YOU DAD'. The next day that man committed suicide....

Anger and Love have NO LIMIT - choose the latter to have a beautiful & lovely life....THINGS are meant to be USED and PEOPLE are to be LOVED,
...but the problem of today's world is that....People are used & Things are loved!!!

"AAaahhh!! you sure say na im pikin???  with a wrench???" Were my first thouhghts on the matter but the situation was more critical than that. This man beat up his son because the child Mutilated his "precious" ride.

 ...life's short...funny thing's we don't realize it until something happens to trigger awareness...i was really hit by the harsh reality that we use what we should love and love what we should be using....a very disturbing reality!

We're so caught up in the madness of making money and making an impression, we forget that the important things in our lives- friends, family, God (Whatever you conceive him to be...)...We really can't afford to get caught up in the things in our lives so much that we forget that in the final analysis, it is the people in our lives that count.


-XX

Random thot...

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Some Lessons in Management

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower,
when the doorbell rings.



The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.



When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.



Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'


After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked
in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.


The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.



When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'



'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.


'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes
me?'

Moral of the story:


If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.




Lesson 2:


A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide
up her leg again.

The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It
said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.




Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch
when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas
, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'

Poof! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing
on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas
and the love of my life.' Poof! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.




Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and
do nothing?'

The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden,
a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.



Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.




Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey,
'but I haven't got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients.'


The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough
strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.


Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top
of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.


Moral of the story:
Bull Sh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..



Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize
how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.



Morals of the story:
.
(1) Not everyone who sh*ts
on you is your enemy.


(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t
is your friend.


(3) And when you're in deep sh*t,
it's best to keep your mouth shut!


THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE.

dAN iBRO

I decided to keep this page warm no matter what...this made me laugh...


Dan'ibro bought a new mobile phone. He sent a message to everyone on his phone book. The message read:

My mobile number has changed; earlier it was Nokia 3310, now it is Nokia 6610. Please take note.

__________________________

In a conversation
DAN 'IBRO: I am proud because my son is in Medical College
Friend: Really? What is he studying?
DAN 'IBRO: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Dan'ibro visits his Doctor
DAN 'IBRO: Doctor, in my dreams I play football every night.
DOCTOR: Take these drugs and you will be okay.
DAN 'IBRO: Can I take it tomorrow? Tonight is the final game.
_________________________________________________________________________________

Dan'ibro and his wife
DAN 'IBRO: If I die, will you remarry?
Wife: No! I will stay with my sister but if I die will you remarry?
DAN 'IBRO: No, I will also stay with your sister.
_________________________________________________________________________________

DAN 'IBRO: People consider me as a “GOD”
Wife: How do you know?
DAN 'IBRO: When I went to the park today, everybody said, oh GOD, you have come again.
_________________________________________________________________________________

DAN 'IBRO comes back to his car and finds a note saying 

“parking fine”

He writes a note and sticks it to a pole

“Thanks for the compliment ''

_________________________________________________________________________________

How do you recognize Dan'ibro (Jnr) in school?
He is the one who erases the notes from his book when the teacher erases the board.
_________________________________________________________________________________

Once DAN 'IBRO was walking, he had a glove in one hand and not on the other hand. So a man asked him why he did so.
He replied: The weather forecast announced that on one hand, it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot..
_________________________________________________________________________________

DAN 'IBRO: Why are all these people running?
Man: This is a race; the winner will get the cup.
DAN 'IBRO: If only the winner will get the Cup, why are the others running?
_________________________________________________________________________________

In a classroom
Teacher: “ 'I killed a person'. Convert this sentence into future tense”
DAN 'IBRO (JNR): The future tense is “You will go to jail”.
__________________________________________________________________________________

DAN 'IBRO told his servant: “Go and water the plants!”
Servant: “It is already raining”
DAN 'IBRO: “So what? Take an umbrella and go”
_________________________________________________________________________________

BTW Where's ROCNAIJA???

S.O.S - Code X

Uploaded via FB Mobile on Saturday, May 16, 2009 at 6:38pm

 

Temperature rising
Words, stuck
What's happening?
No, not losing grip,
It's just. . . When i think of me,
I see you.

Alone, with d tube-again.
Yep. Just been shelved-again.
Oh! I've seen this scene before!
No, not a movie
It's just. . . When I see this love story,
I see Us.

What now?!
Tis Over, done with!
Fourth finger band in place,
Yes, signed and sealed. . .
But truth is. . . When i look at him,
I see you.


© AEEDEEAEE

Regression...

know this guy? lol

and this dude?

TO BE SIX (6) AGAIN

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

”I'd like to be six again” she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster... everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. Fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, Well Dear,what was it like being six again ??

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

”I meant my Dress Size, you dumb ass!!”

Moral of the story:
Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong.


My deductions: 
1. It could be that we can never understand what women want (I'm a woman and i still have a hard time deciding what i want :D )
2. It could also be that men just choose the cheaper option...Yeah, i said it!

Fi le! Don't tosh it...

Prologue:

This is not a real post...the marra is just paining me in my chest...this is why i've written.
**********************************************************************************

I don't know if it's just me, or if other people think this too...What is it about these men and thier crotches? JT's? Crown Jewels? Dicks? Or like someone I know likes to call it, whachuliketacallit? Or generally speaking, Penises? Why do them guys always reach for thier penises...nay...grab their penises given the slightest window (Read: When they think no one's watching.) You know, they just grab the thing like "Hey dude! You still there?"

Gogo,  a pal of mine,  on our way back from a gig recently, got me seriously worried when he had to scream "Leave the damn DICK alone!" at some guy...the guy scurried accros the street, Penis in hand! He didn't care about the damn message! Please don't even say Penis Envy, cos that was a guy and he posseses a Damn Penis! Imagine shooting a live show and having to lose all the long shots cos the idiot in the spot light couldn't leave his Damn Dick be!

I find myself asking: Do they have to confirm everytime that the thingie's still hanging? Or does the shit get heavy after a while? Or as my Shrink sister said last night when the convo came up, do most guys have Penile Fixation?

My take: I think it's outright harrassment, guys! Ahn ahn! How would you feel if women grabbed their boobs at the slightest provocation, eh? If it helps, get some good ol' drawers...it's obvious boxers don't work anymore...abi?

**********************************************************************************

Epilogue:

Somborri's already threatening me with a retort. I say, Bring It On! Afterall, i no lie na...

© Moi

DECREE 419

Ok. this is about a Nigerian pastor who tried to scam a church in the US and they made a complete idiot out of him.

The story below (as told by) Ifeanyi N.aka 419eater, is an anti-scam person who specializes in helping people being scammed by Nigerian Pastors by simply pretending and assuming the person being scammed, takes over the entire negotiations/ discussions with the scammer with the sole aim of exposing him to the world on the Internet. 

Pastor Samuel Eze of God Love Bible Ministry in Apapa, approaches the Church of Bread and Wine abroad with the aim of helping them spread the work here in Nigeria , however he has a shortcoming: He needs funds. Thus he asked the Church to provide him with $74,000 to foster a joint venture between the two churches... 

419eater is contacted and takes over and poses as Father Ted Chilly of the Bread and Wine Church. He immediately responds to Samuel Eze's email requesting the funds ($74,000) 

 

This is a picture of the “Church of Bread and Wine"

 

...and it’s Photoshop!! To fool Pastor Samuel!! 

Says "Father Ted" (419eater) to Pastor Samuel in his email reply to him: "You have come to the right place. We have over 300 churches world-wide and love to help upcoming churches like yours. We don't, however send funds without recourse to our due procedures, in order to be sure of where our funds are being sent. You must follow the formal steps to identify yourself with our Church before u can claim the money.
They are as follows: You must identify with the symbols of our Church, which are BREAD and WINE." 

1. You must send us a picture of yourself holding our Church name printed on a banner. You must be seated. 

2. You must send a picture of yourself holding a bottle of WINE to your ear.
3. You must send a picture of yourself carrying a loaf of BREAD on your head.

Here is Pastor Samuel doing as he was asked: Holding the banner of the Church!

  

Next, he has to hold a bottle of wine to his ear...

  

Just look at this mugu of a Pastor! Actually held a bottle of wine to his ear! Msscheeeeewwww!!
 

Oya, Next, carry a loaf of bread on your head! 

 

CAN U BEAT THIS??? ABSOLUTELY BLINDED BY GREED!!! Lord help us!!! LSWKMD!!! 
 
Check: The picture Pastor Samuel sent to Father Ted claiming it is his Church...

 

...looks dangerously like the Vatican to me! Chei! Wetin greed go do this world eh... 

 

...Now this cat claims the biscuits: His Nigerian passport...

 

FRIGGING A4 PAPER! Wetin person no go see finish for this world.  God help us!!!